I will always, choose you

145| they're still in my head

(june)

Y/n still remembers the day that Natasha told her about her past, and some days she'll have, almost visions of being in that place that her mother spoke about, she got nightmares frequently and would wake up in sweat and tears most nights, crying in Natasha's arms.

It pained Natasha and made her feel extremely guilty over the fact that she told her, maybe she just wasn't ready at all and didn't need to know, yes it was her mother but was it necessary, she'd clearly frightened the girl and that was definitely not her intention to do so.

As every night for that past week, Y/n woke up crying after a nightmare from being in the red room, the scream she let out awoke Natasha and she darted to her daughters room, making sure she was safe, her heart was broken when she saw the state she was in.

"Sweetheart, it's alright, you're with mama" Natasha cooed rushing over to Y/n and bringing her close to her chest, Y/n sobbed harshly into Natasha's shoulder, so loud that she had to turn on the silent walls so she wouldn't be waking anyone up at this hour.

"Mama, i hate it" Y/n sobs loudly wrapping her arms tightly around Natasha's neck, Natasha wrapped her arms around Y/n's waist and pulled her onto her lap, patting her bottom and laying her lips on the Y/n's cheek, she squeezed her daughter tightly, wanting to take all her pain.

"I know honey, it's okay, mama's right here" Natasha soothed, Y/n sobbed into Natasha's chest, clutching onto Natasha tightly pressing her face as hard as she could into her mothers chest, Natasha looked down at her shaking daughter watching her try and push herself closer to her mother.

"Mommy" Y/n whimpered, Natasha could feel that her daughter wanted to be close to her, Natasha leant back slightly and with one arm, skilfully took off her t-shirt, it was oversized, so Natasha was only left in her underwear, she moved around a little bit so she was against the headboard.

"There you go, nice and close, hm" Natasha calmly spoke, rubbing her finger lightly up and down Y/n's back, Y/n's cries died down in 5 minutes, the girl was still feeling vulnerable after her thoughts, that were still echoing through her head.

Whilst staring ahead of her, Y/n brought her fingers up to her mouth, Natasha noticed that Y/n done up when she just wanted that bit more comfort, she was off the boob and the pacifier a short bit after pre-school, now she's just looking for something like that Natasha assumed.

"Don't put your fingers in your mouth honey" Although Natasha knew it was a comfort thing, Y/n's fingers wouldn't always be clean, the girl was terrible at remembering to wash her hands constantly and with how messy she is, Natasha wouldn't want all the germ in her mouth.

"Let me" Y/n whined and wiggled her fingers in Natasha's hands trying to free them, she let out a soft cry and moved her face so it was face down in Natasha's chest, sobbing softly, Natasha's heart broke again and she sat Y/n up on her lap.

By the time it took Natasha to sit up fully Y/n was fully sobbing, Natasha sighed sadly and looked down at her daughter, Y/n just lay limply against her chest, when Natasha realised that Y/n wasn't going to calm quickly, she started to move out of the bed.

"You need to stop crying honey, you're gonna have no tears left soon" Natasha chuckled slightly, putting her t-shirt back on, which expectedly made Y/n cry even more, the girl started tugging on it furiously, Natasha had to ignore Y/n for now whilst she exited her room.

"Sweetheart, you're gonna wake everyone up" Natasha whispered, holding Y/n's head in her shoulder, Y/n's cries soon muffled in Natasha's shoulder as Natasha carried her downstairs to the kitchen, she sighed quietly and rocked her hips side to side, patting Y/n's back, sitting her on the counter.

"Do you want some warm milk?" Natasha asked rubbing the hair out her daughters face, Y/n sobbed louder and shook her head kicking the cabinet doors underneath her, Natasha placed her hand on Y/n's leg and gave it a soothing rub, clearly Y/n's emotions are getting the best of her.

"I hate milk" Y/n sobbed shoving Natasha's hand off of her, Natasha bowed her head down for a moment whilst she thought, clearly not thinking well as Y/n's hands went into Natasha's hair and started tugging at her roots making Natasha wince in pain.

"Y/n, can you let go" Natasha spoke calmly bringing her hands up and trying to pry her fingers out her hair, Y/n's cries increased but Natasha managed to unravel Y/n's fingers from her hair, holding her hands in her own before reaching forward and lifting her daughter back into her arms.

"What's gotten you so upset my love" Natasha asked walking around the table and rubbing Y/n's back, also doing everything she could to calm down her daughter, Y/n whined and wrapped her arms around Natasha's neck, sobbing into her cheek, quite literally pressing her face against it.

"They're still in my head, i'm scared" Y/n sobbed, Natasha looked down at and frowned, she knew what Y/n was on about, she sighed gently and made her way to the living room, taking a seat on the sofa with Y/n on her lap.

"I'm sorry baby, but i'm here to protect you sweetheart, they're gone baby" Natasha soothed, Y/n defeatedly lay against Natasha and nodded her head, Natasha hummed a little tune whilst rocking her girl side to side to calm her down, Y/n's cries died down again and turned to sniffles.

"Mama i don't want you to get hurt" Y/n sniffled leaning back and looking at Natasha, Natasha pouted and leaned forward pecking Y/n's forehead a few times, she leant back with a smile and cupped her daughters cheek, wiping her loose tears gently with the pads of her thumb.

"I won't be getting hurt honey, no one is getting hurt" Natasha pulled Y/n's waist closer to her and held her as close to her chest as she could, laying her cheek on top of her head, Y/n nodded her head and took a hold of her hand.

"I wanna go to the flowers" Y/n looked up at Natasha sadly, Natasha smiled with a small chuckle and tucked her hair behind her ear, pressing her nose gently to Y/n's and giving her a small kiss, she'd love to go the the flower garden, but it was late.

"Honey, it's one in the morning, we need to sleep then we can go see the flowers" Natasha whispered rubbing her daughters back again just so she couldn't start crying again with the answer no, thankfully Y/n nodded her head with a small hiccup and lay her head on her shoulder, slowly falling back to sleep in her mothers arms again.

//

double update, due to my lack of posting (sorry again :D)