Down To Ride

23. U Don't Got a Clue

Spencer James

"If you could pick one year of your life to do-over, which would it be and why?" Olivia inquired as Spencer glanced at her. It was the following morning from their previous outing celebrating their one year marriage anniversary. The young couple sat in Spencer's car at the beach, waiting for the sun to rise.

"That's a good question" Spencer briefly sipped on his water. "Hm..I would say the year my moms was killed. I mean I was already gettin' involved in stupid shit when she was still alive, but her death really altered the trajectory of my life. I truly believe life would've looked a lot different for me if she were still here" he told her and she just listened.

"Most definitely" Olivia agreed. "If she were here to see you today she would've been proud of how far you've come. Thankful that you in fact did turn your life around and are no longer embracing the lifestyle you once had" she told him.

"She would've loved the kids, Liv. She probably would've babied Kross the most" Spencer chuckled as he thought about his mom.

"You think so?" Olivia inquired.

"Oh I know so" Spencer laughed. "She would've loved all of our kids equally but that bond between a grandmother and grandson is different. I know because of the relationship I had with my granny. I see it with ya moms and Kross already" he explained and Olivia smiled.

Spencer frowned as Olivia's bright smile soon faded. "What's on your mind?" he asked as he picked up on the shift in her mood.

"I'm just thinking about the amount of loss you've experienced. I don't understand how you're able to get up everyday" Olivia told him.

"I can acknowledge the loss I've experienced but then what? I know my loved ones that are no longer here would want me to keep living" Spencer began. "Through the pain, I've found my purpose. I've found a new form of love and happiness with you and our kids. And now that I know that there's life beyond this one...I am okay with where I am at. You learn to live and cope with your grief as time goes on" he finished.

"I hear you on that one" Olivia agreed as she thought about the loss of her father. "I have another question for you. If our relationship were to unfortunately end, what would-"

"Annndddd that's where we stop with all the questions" Spencer laughed. "We not finna put that into the existence, Liv" he told her.

"It's not about putting anything into the existence, babe. We've got to be realistic" Olivia said. "Some relationships do end-"

"Ours won't" he interrupted her again. "We not finna talk about this in front of our daughter" he reached over, placing a hand on Olivia's belly.

"Spencer, please" Olivia playfully rolled her eyes. "You know Halo doesn't understand what we're saying, right?" she mentioned.

"That don't mean she can't hear us" Spencer said in a serious tone.

"You should see your face right now" Olivia laughed at how serious he looked. "Pure comedy" she continued to laugh as Spencer shook his head.

"So I guess it's safe to assume you like the name 'Halo' now..." Spencer smirked. He knew she would eventually come around to liking the name for their baby girl.

"It just...rolled off of my tongue, I guess. Nothing serious" Olivia shrugged her shoulders, trying to hide her smile.

"Sure" Spencer chuckled, glancing at the ocean ahead.

"...I'm not totally against it" Olivia watched as the sun began to rise. "I just personally think Satori would be a cute name too" she mentioned.

"How about...Halo Satori James?" he suggested.