Louis's pov -
Somehow, he fool the whole world just as he always have done. The pregnant gay fag, with the mask, the fake smile, the guy who wants everyone to remain safe from his lies; that has it's succes. Because he knows who he is, and he doesn't love that person, that demon anymore. He drowns himself in lies every single day, even believing himself he's fine, when in all honesty; he isn't.
Yes, I'm talking about myself. Louis Tomlinson, 1/4 of One Direction.
Boyfriend with Harry Styles. Pregnant with Harry Styles' baby. Every single fan one of our fans, either looks up to me, or stare at me in wonder with eyes that clearly says "OMG I FUCKING LOVE YOU LOUIS TOMLINSON". Harry tells me, that I'm flawless, thin, beautiful; that I'm all he wants. But honestly? He would regret even dating me, if I told him that this "amazing" smile, laugh and happy Louis; is all an act. Trying to keep Niall, Liam, Harry, our friend Zayn and our fans safe from the devil within me, I fake an act. Just like a actor. You can call me an actor, if you want.
No flaws, when you're pretending. Isn't that what people say? I'm nothing. There is nothing more to say about that. I'm nothing. Like a rock that is laying in the bottom of the ocean, just waiting to be found by someone. But mean while, get's hit with other small and big stones that whole waiting time. I know wisere, than comparing myself to everybody else. But still, I do it. I mean, every single depressed person does that; though they got tols the oppisite, they still do it; they don't listen to that advice. And when we try, it's unsuccesful.
I'm fat, not thin; everyone else is thin. I'm flawed, not flawless; everyone else is flawless. I'm stupid, not wise; everyone else is wise. I'm dieing, not staying alive; everyone else is staying alive. And that's what I want; everyone around me, my mum, sisters, brother, bandmates, boyfriend is more worth, more inportant then me.
I have scars from self harming all over my thighs, and arms; though no one notices them. At least not right now, and they probably never will. But boy, was I wrong. I decided to performing with a black t-shirt once, and about a week later, I swear that Twitter, and social medias exploded with the rumor about me self harming, having suicidal thoughts and depression. I cried when I saw that; it was true. But I couldn't say that to anyone. Not even our fans, Niall, Liam, Harry.
But I need help. And soon; before I end gliding over the edge. Life's egde.
