I can't do anymore. I have depression, suicidal thoughts everyday - but no one notices. I smile, laugh - but only when I can see my k-pop idols, and I read, listen and watch them; I try to run from the real world, that has hurt me enough. I can trust no one, I can't trust the world; I can trust my idols, that is so far away.
My dad doesn't understand, and has just about 30 minutes ago, scolded me, saying:
"I'm sick and tired of all you do, stay on that internet. There is a real world too! Interest yourself for that more! Do we really need to shut it down?" I said no, and now my lip is shaking, blurry vision, thoughts spinning.
You're worthless.
You only disappoint, hurt people and close family to you.
You should just die.
Maybe I should relapse, self harm again; cause if I disappoint my dad, mom and bonusdad; I disappoint my idols too, right? And you guys too...
VIXX, BTS, NU'EST, B.A.P, Monsta X.... I'm sorry...
Mom, dad, bonusdad...
I'm sorry...
Followers...
I'm sorry...
Readers...
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry for being a disappointment, worthless piece of shit in this world...
