Everyone says it's gonna get better, but for me, that's not what's happening. Oh no, that's actually the complete oppisite. I'm getting worse. Much worse. I relapsed, and I saw a little bit of blood - I liked it, stared at it, just let it happen.
The smile, this smile on lips, is fake. It's plastered, but everyone blames me for something - like I'm being too wise, too fat, too big - I'll never be good enough, no matter what I do. Or what I plan on.
I have had enough, and this place and this we call "life" would and will be better without me.
Everyone knows that.
I regret all the bad I've done. That I've relapsed, that I've hurt people, that I'm pushing my own family away, and hides behind my cap that I never take off.
After I have been diagnosed with autism and overview problems, I can't face this world, or anyone that is close to me. I see myself in a completely different light, and that is what's happening to me - I'm pushing everyone out, my own mom, dad, bonusdad and brother etc.... They wouldn't care. They would move on easily.
Neither would One Direction, 5 Seconds of Summer and Union J. They would just move on.
I'm sorry, but needed to tell you guy this... So you know I'm still alive...
