Love Me, Please

Chapter Thirty-Eight

*Cassie's POV*
We just got back from the mall. Maddy left instead of coming back inside despite all my begging for help. I sigh and walk upstairs. I grab my pjs and take a shower in a spare bedroom. I walk into Val's room, since he's the closest, and toss my dirty clothes in with his. I crawl in his bed, after tuning the lights off, and turn the tv on.

He walks in a few minutes later and I don't think he notices me right away. He turns the light on and grabs a pair of boxers and sweats. He walks across the room, into the bathroom. I hear him turn the shower on. A few minutes later he comes out and turns the light off. The entire time his face looked so solemn and sad. He climbs into his bed and finally notices me.

He gives me a small smile, "Hi baby... you scared me, I didn't know you were in here. Did you come in when I was in the shower?"
I giggle, "No, before you even came in. When you turned the lights on."
"I was wondering why the tv was on... I just thought I'd left it on."
He kisses my cheek and lays down next to me, "I'm sorry... about earlier..."

"It's okay, I know you were just trying to defend me."
"But I shouldn't fix it by getting violent. I know you hate seeing violence and I just keep doing it in front of you..."
He lays his head on my chest and I play with his hair, "I know, Val, it's okay."
"I'm no good Cass. Someone says something disrespectful to you or hurts you, I need to hurt them back..."

My shirt starts getting wet and I know he's silently crying, "Val... I'm not mad. The worst part was doing it in front of your friends... I just didn't want you to get in trouble for anything."
He looks up at me and I can see his red eyes. It hurts my heart. I wipe away his tears.

"Please don't cry. I truly forgive you, and I've long ago accepted this side of you. I love this side of you, Val, I do. Please don't even think you're no good again. You're perfect," I kiss his cheek bone and then his lips. He gets on top of me, supporting his own weight in his hands and knees as he continues to kiss me. It doesn't last long though because he flips us.

"You start us off tonight, baby," He smiles, pushing some hair behind my ear.
"Start it?" I ask nervously, biting my lip.

Oh no. This can't be happening. They almost always start with their mouths and I want to repay the favor, but I've never given a blow job. Anytime they decide to use my mouth, they just fuck it instead of me actually doing anything... I don't want to admit that to Val though because we've been together for months and that would be embarrassing to say I don't know how to give a good blow job... let alone a decent one.

I pull down his boxers and sweats and his hard dick pops out. I carefully suck the head into my mouth and he groans. His wraps my hair around his hand but that's it. He doesn't move my head at all and I mentally curse him. I continue to take him into my mouth until I can't ignore my gag reflex anymore.

I have to come up a little. I continue to lick and suck as much as I can. He continues to groan but I can tell they're fake and I just want to disappear right then. He pulls me up to him by my hair and kisses me. He flips us and dives between my legs. He takes my underwear off since I'm only in that and a t-shirt.

Wow. He has some serious patience. Two minutes and the only genuine reaction I got was his groan in the beginning. I just want this to be over with... I'm humiliated.

"S-Stop..." I stutter out.
He looks up at me, "Did I hurt you baby?"
"No... I'm... I'm just not feeling it tonight... maybe your friends were right. I don't have a high sex drive at all."
"Hey now," He kisses my cheek, "Everyone's different," He kisses my other cheek, "And you don't need to have a high sex drive," He kisses my forehead, "We don't want you just for sex. Plus, you're just not feeling it today. I haven't always felt it every day," He kisses me.

I smile, "Thank you..."
"Of course baby, let's go to sleep now. It's been a long day."
I nod and cuddle up next to him as he turns the tv off.

I'm so embarrassed. Two fucking minutes. Two fucking minutes of straight up embarrassing myself and I didn't even notice till the end. Not that they do, but I'd be so fucking embarrassed to brag about me and then I end up sucking.

I wake up with Val's head on my chest. I smile and play with his hair.
"Good morning," He smiles, laying on my pillow.
I roll onto my side as we're facing each other.
"Good morning," I giggle, kissing him. I suddenly remember last night and I cringe, "I'm sorry about last night..."

"Don't be, baby, it's seriously not a big deal."
I bite my lip, too embarrassed to correct him. We eventually get up and get dressed. We go downstairs and meet the others in the kitchen.
"Took you two long enough. You had her last night, what could you have possibly done to sleep in till 11?" Miky eyes us.
"A blow job," Val smirks.

Jason, Magnus, and Jace walk in right as he says that. I turn crimson in embarrassment.
"Yo, do I get a turn?" Jason smirks.
"Nah, do me first," Magnus smiles as he gets his coffee.
"But the question is, is she actually good?" Nick asks as he walks in behind me.

"Do you expect her to be bad?" Volkov sticks up for me, but it just embarrasses me further.
I slip out of the room as they continue on with their conversation. I run upstairs to my closet and lock the door behind me. For just being an extra storage closet, it's huge. I grab my diary and pen and lay on the floor.

I've never been exceptionally good at anything, or normally good at anything, but I thought I could learn. Well, I can't. This is embarrassing to write, but since it's just for me, I can do it. Last night, I attempted to give Val a blow job, and I sucked. I should have told him right away I didn't know what I was doing, or asked him to teach me, but I didn't. I chickened out. I tried for TWO minutes until he stopped me. I think the only real reaction I earned from him, was the first time my mouth touched his dick. The rest had to be fake. Why can't I ever repay them for all they've done? Sure none of us started on the right foot, but they've made up for it... I also ran away, and had a panic attack in the middle of the night which Val wasn't too happy about and I basically begged them to go back to school even though they really didn't want me to... and, even though I was right, they weren't happy about the Eric thing. Or the Claire thing... ugh I really do suck. I know I basically right the same stuff over and over again, but I can never seem to get it out of my head. I seriously feel like such a burden to the guys. And even if I didn't, I can't repay them for all they've done for me. I tried, last night with Val, and I just wanted to fucking die. Hoping the other two will never find out and Val won't tell them so we can pretend it never happened.

Miky calls my name so I run downstairs, accidentally leaving my book open. I do close the closet door though. I walk into the kitchen and sit at the table. Miky puts a plate were blueberry waffles in front of me and I grin. I'm about to get up and grab the syrup when Val puts it in front of me, along with a fork and a knife.
"Oh... thank you!" I smile.

After breakfast, Volkov finds me in the living room, watching tv.
"Hey baby, I picked out an outfit for you. I put it on my bed," He says as he hops over the back of the couch to sit next to me.
"Picked out an outfit? What for?" I look at him confused.

"For today," He says matter-of-factly.
"What's today?"
"I need you to run some errands for me."
"Ah of course," I giggle but get up and go get changed.