The red satin | 18+ |book 1 of red| complete ✔️

Ellie

When I could I would be going to a martial arts class as well as a reiki work shop!   Then being said it was karate that I was doing!  And I was excelling at it as well as the writing and reiki!     Anything to stay out and out other people's hair!  I guess. When I did doing karate the the master sensei who was named , get this max power!  What a fucked up name!  And he wasn't my type to begin with!   He was nice but he was a pretty boy that much I can say. Most girls my age would marry him in an instant but not me!  I never had any desire to be around people that look like Madison Avenue models. That being said I thought that I was either to stick up or unnatural!  Why would anyone want to be like them was beyond me!
Let's say that being a kid I had no desire to be like Brittany Soears nor those kinds of model like girls!  I just wanted to be me!  And was that so wrong.....I was friends with goths in highschool up tell now!  And I was alway so fringy to society!  But to not fringy that I would be a complete out cast!   But I was close many times!  That being said I rather be cute and psycho instead of Madison's avenue!   So you can tell I was getting go at karate but kind not really like the sensei......
At the time it was good for me and I was able to get stronger then one time this happened I and can tell this was the most horrific thing!  When night when I was sleeping I was feeling wet and it smelt metallic that was when I knew it.......miscarriage!  I did not want to deal with any other child being out of my life or that they were dead!

"Mando, I need to go to the hospital!"   I screamed! " I am having a miscarriage!"

Some how I was lucky with Micheal but after that I was never menant to have children as I was told that my uterus was hostile! How can that be?  When I thought I was doing everything careful in the first place!  But I guess I was running my self to thin, but did not want to have sex again as I was Far as I was concerned!  
That was when I decided I was going to be loving to Mando in other ways or to use protection as that miscarriage was not only the most painful thing but the most traumatic in my life. Was I starting to care about my self, yes!   As I did not know want the next pregnancy and a duff one at that would happen! So there it was I was barren and not able to have children!    Which really got me thing I was just going to devote my time with my hobbies and not so much with my lover.

It broke my heart!   But it was then this!

As I was going to deal with life out side of the bed room i decided on the fact that I was going to explore people if at change but not to the extent as I did before

But before I said I was going to give on the relationship with Mando! He mentioned that he was going to Japan and then back again and that he wanted me to go with him!   I still did not wanted to deal with him but agreed to it! although I was afraid of having to carry children who would not make it to term, I decided to love the poor fellow anyway for who he was! So I thought at the time I didn't know what to say, but Japan was something I didn't think of nor was the idea of being with my husband while he was on work time!  This was something to be hold in the first place! But I was also starting to get very involved with karate and soon I was invite to Japan to  complete in a world karate tournament,     I was more for kata and weapons but know one for fighting!  As I was afraid of seriously hurting someone!