The Relationship Status: The Big Day (2)

Donnie

I felt knocked out cold and then I started slowly waking up again. I felt wind hitting the back of my head. And I kept seeing ceiling lights pass above me. And then I noticed doctors running in front and I think behind me pushing me on a stretcher. I was pretty freaked out. Was I asleep long? And then I turn my head to see Steph on my left. It was kinda nice having her on the same stretcher as me. She looked adorable when she slept, but was she really sleeping? I hated how that thought came into my mind.

I tried to keep my eyes to a full squint to see what I was doing and slowly move my hand to hold hers. I smiled when I did. (Even that was hard.) Her hand felt warm and then cold. And then it almost felt like she squeezed it. It surprised me but I don't know if I was just hallucinating or what, but it felt like she really did squeeze my hand. Maybe she was giving me hope in her sleep. Her hand started to feel warm again, too. I kept holding onto her hand and then I fell back asleep. And that's the last I know about reality.

But what about Jordan and Jennifer? Crap! I hope nothing bad happened to them! I hope they're distracting themselves with good thoughts until this whole thing ends.

The only thing that's really weird about the coma, is the dreams. I've always been really freaked out about what would happen if I was in a coma. What would I be dream about? Oh crud, I think I'm about to find out...

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Am I awake, or am I dreaming that I'm awake? I know for sure that the covers of my bed have never felt so comfortable. I walk into the living room seeing Steph in a gorgeous gown that brings out her eyes, (like the elaborate ones that you see on "Jeopardy!")...and possibly her chest, too...

"Steph," I say scratching my head, "You look radiant! But why are you wearing that? We're not doing anything special today."

"Uh, of course not you dingaling! I'm going to a four-month anniversary celebration with Jordy." Since when does my girlfriend talk like that. She almost sounds like Jennifer when she's annoyed at me.

"Steph, since when do you call Jordan, 'Jordy'?" This is already getting weird.

"Um, none of your business. And don't call me "Steph". We're not dating. Save the mushiness for you and Jennifer, since it seems like you guys love each other so much."

"What!?" This isn't a coma, this is a nightmare!

In comes Jordan through my apartment door wearing the same tux I was wearing when I saved Steph a while back.

"C'mon babe, let's get our chow-mien on!" They latch arms, and then they- FRENCH KISS!? What the heck!? We haven't even done that yet! They're not even dating! This is annoying. And then they walk out of the room together satisfied with themselves. It was the grossest thing in the universe.

And then Jennifer skips into the room dressed like Punky Brewster and goes over to me and gives me a giant slobbery kiss on the lips! I thought I would've woken up from whatever this dream is for sure. But I just couldn't! Her lips felt crusty, gross, and wet, all at the same time. I felt like I was gonna gag!

Then she gives me one of those five-year-old-like hugs with one leg up in the air and says, "Oh Donnie-Doo, I had the most wonderful time last night you!" Ok, I'd rather be sucked into a blackhole then go through this awful punishment God gave me. What kinda of a flippin' nickname is "Donnie-Doo"!? Just... What?!

Then I feel a large prick from my cheek! Maybe they're removing shards of glass from Steph and I or something. But it just wasn't enough to wake me up! Lord help me!!