1D SickFics

Niall has a panic attack because of Zayn

Hey guys, I just wanted to say that I dont know the actual reason for Zayn leaving, there are too many rumours going around. I just went off with what Louis said about One Directions music style being different to Zayns.

Zayn POV

I love boys, I really do and I wish them well with this band and whatever they decide to do in the future but I can't be with them as One Direction anymore. I have had some amazing times and seen the most amazing things, and I am grateful but this music isn't me, and I feel like I'm not being true to myself and I'm lying to the boys and the fans every time I go out onto that stage and sing those songs. I spoke to management and Simon and I got the best lawyers I could find to help me find a way out of the contract. I got confirmation today that tonight's show in Hong Kong will be my last a member of One Direction. No one else apart from me, management, Perrie and Simon know. I know I need to tell the boys but I don't know how or when. I think they suspect that something is up because I have been kind of distant this past week and on the phone a lot with management and lawyers, and my excuses weren't always that good.

We're on our way to the stadium and all the boys are goofing around in the van as usual. I'm going to miss this, just being with them but I need to do what I feel is right for me. I feel my vision start to blur with tears as I think of some of the memories we've shared over the past five years. I try to blink away the tears before the lads notice, one tear rolls down my cheek and Liam notices.

"Zee, are you ok? What's wrong?" Liam says, getting the attention of the boys.

"I, I um... need t-to talk to you all" I stutter.

"Whatever it is, we will be here for you.... you know that right?" Louis says, him and I have always had a bit stronger bond.

Louis's words pulled hard on my heart and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I sobbed uncontrollably the whole way to the stadium. I calmed myself down enough to regain composure.

"Zayn, you're scaring us" Harry says.

"Please just tell us" Niall says with a quiver in his voice, we have always felt like he needed more protection. He is so innocent and I know me leaving will hurt him and that is something that I cannot handle, knowing that I hurt him.

"I've spoken to management a-and they agreed and I um, I've been speaking to lawyers, and obviously Simon and I-I-I'm so sorry, b-but I can't d-do th-" I managed to choke out before being interrupted by the driver.

"We're at the stadium, have a good show" the driver announced.

We all thanked him and made our way into the dressing room.

"Please finish what you were telling us" Liam spoke calmly.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt any of you, but I can't keep lying to myself, to you guys and to the fans...." I say, tears starting to form in my eyes again.

"Zayn, what exactly are you telling us?" Louis asks.

"I've spoken to lawyers and I've found a way out of the band..... this will be our last show as five members of One Direction... please, please just know that this has nothing to do with any of you, or the fans or even all the media, this music... it just isn't me and I'm not happy anymore, you guys will be amazing as a group of four and I will be there to cheer you on with whatever you do" I finally say, letting tears fall freely.

I look over to Harry who is shaking his head in disappointment, Louis is starting to cry but looks mad at the same time, Liam is uncomfortably quiet and Niall is just staring dead ahead of him.

"Can someone please just say something" I ask.

"W-when did you know today was the last?" Liam finally speaks.

"This morning" I answer looking down.

"Why, Zayn.... we know you've been stressed lately but leaving, is that really what you want?" Louis asks with anger present in his voice.

"Yes, it's the only way I can be happy. I love you guys so much and that will never change but this music isn't who I am. I've lied to myself, to you guys and to the fans for the past five years. Every time I look happy on that stage singing those songs I am lying..... I'm so tired of lying" I reply.

By now things were almost chaotic, Liam and Louis were firing questions toward me at the same time, Harry was shouting incoherently in behind them. I didn't know how to answer all the questions; I didn't know what to say to the boys I've called brothers for the last five years. I was about to yell for everyone to just stop when my eye caught Niall. He was standing alone to one side of the room, breathing heavily, clutching his chest.

"NIALL!!" I screamed, getting the others to turn and face him.

"Are you alr-" I began to speak, walking over to him.

"Just leave him alone, can't you see what you've done to him!?" Harry yelled at me.

Liam POV

Niall was clutching at his chest, gasping for breath. I ran over to him and asked if he was ok.

"Niall are you ok?" I asked.

"C-can't b-br-e-ath" Niall choked out.

"Where's your inhaler?" I asked.

"D-don't k-k-know" Niall said in a whisper.

"H-help" Niall asked pleadingly.

"It's ok Niall, I'm right here" I said, trying to keep myself calm.

"Dizzy" Niall said, closing his eyes.

"You're going to be ok Niall, just focus on me, only me. Match my breathing..... in and out... in and out.... nice and deep, there we go, that's it, you're doing great Ni.... keep going, focus on me.....there we go..... in and out, just like that" I comforted him and tried to get him to calm down.

Harry came running into the room shortly after with Niall's inhaler. I helped him have two puffs before he relaxed into me feeling tired.

"Do you want to have another two puffs Ni? Or do you think you will be ok?" I asked.

"Water please" Niall rasped out.

Louis threw me a bottle of water, which I opened and gave to Niall.

"Small sips NiNi" I reminded him.

"Thanks" Niall whispered.

"I think I'll be ok" Niall added.

"What happened?" Zayn asked Niall.

"Sorry, I just panicked, I guess a million things raced through my mind about us, you this band and what the future is going to hold for us now that you're leaving us, and it was just a bit much" Niall admitted.

Zayn POV

Once Niall was ok, we began to get ready for our final show as five.

"When are you going to tell the fans?" Liam asked me.

"I didn't even think about that, don't announce anything tonight please" I said.

We all huddled for one last time and did our pre show ritual. We heard the intro for clouds and made our way to the stage. I felt that rush of adrenaline for the last time; I ran out onto the stage and heard the screams one last time.

I'm sure I made the right choice leaving this band...... didn't I? I asked myself.