Bangtan Boys Imagines

J-Hope/Hoseok

'Hey, are you busy today?'

'Um, yeah... I have to work on my new song. Sorry.'

Hoseok stared at his phone, rereading the last again and again. Yoongi just blew him off. For the third time.
Hoseok stared down at his chat history, the aching in his heart so prominent he felt hallow; as though it was beating so fast it had disappeared completely.

'Sorry Hobi, Taehyung and I are hanging out in the city today! You can come join us though!'
-
'Sorry, Jungkook and I are heading out for shopping, and you're at the studio right now aren't you? Do you want anything for later?'
-
'Ah, sorry bro, I have with Bang PD in like 10 minutes...'

He flipped through his , searching for someone, anyone, to make him feel as though he wasn't so alone. Suddenly, a thought hit him: Y/N.
But she's so busy right now... she shouldn't have to be dealing with me.
The dance studio was empty; the reflecting more harshly than it did in Hoseok's memory. Hoseok had been practicing for the entire day, and he had done so not because it was required, but because somehow, he needed an escape from the looming loneliness he seemed to be feeling more and more frequently these past few days. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, staring down at the smooth, polished floors – I'm not supposed to be like this.
The feeling of utter desolation more or less settled like dust in his veins – Suffocating him, searing him, drowning him. Anything and everything seemed completely useless, meaningless, insignificant.
What exactly is loneliness? To be honest, Hoseok had no idea. He had his fair share of loneliness in this life; from the beginning when everyone around him was different – they didn't understand the beauty of the flow of movements, nor the indecipherable happiness of letting go of reality, when it comes to dancing. He had tried to fit in, did all the research, learned all the tricks, and tried to be a part of them. He succeeded, of course, but what happens when the sadness enters you again when you thought you had fucking gotten over it, crushing you like the weight of a million stars raining down on you all at once?
Sadness comes in waves – and tonight, I'm drowning.
Bitterness crawled into Hoseok, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He stood up, suddenly having the urge to justleave, and never come back. Hoseok's mind was a mess. To everyone else, to the people he loved dearly, he seemed like an effortlessly happy person. Constant smiles, jokes, laughter... That's the Hoseok that everyone knew and loved, not this one.

People always expected me to be happy, and tonight I'm so not fucking happy.

He left the studio, bag hoisted on his right shoulder, and bid goodnight to the staff sitting outside. The cool night wind blew against his face as he walked down the strangely quiet streets. Twinkling city lights, bustling cars on the highway and people going anywhere but this lonely rundown of a metropolitan... Hoseok wondered if there were people who feel just as alone as he does right at this moment.
He didn't want to go home. No one's there right now anyway.
Why am I so alone? Why doesn't anybody even care?
Why doesn't the pain go away?

//

You switched off your laptop with a sigh. Leaning back on your chair, you stared out into the distance of the city lights, watching some parts of it slowly come to life, while some embrace the slumber of night. What is he doing?
You knew they had a day off today, and all you wanted was to spend it with him; then your boss had to fucking call you to stand in for someone else. You gritted your teeth, thinking of all the things you could've been doing together.
Are you two together?
The constant questions. Everyone thought that you two were dating. Hell, you wish you were.
You hadn't thought you would fall for Hoseok, and you hated it. You knew that the feeling didn't reciprocate, and yet you kept on falling deeper and deeper, and as time went by you knew that no matter how much you try to push it away, it'll gnaw right through at some point throughout your obsession. He became a drug – more specifically, your drug.
But that was it. To him, you were no more than just a friend; it broke your heart just thinking about this.
But to me? God, Hoseok, you're my entire universe.