The Love We Never Lost (Blake Griffin)

16

I woke up with my hip feeling sore. It reminded me of the pain I was feeling mentally last night. I went downstairs to make breakfast. Then I realized I wasn't that hungry. I sat on the couch going through my tweets again. More hate. After reading endless hate tweets I saw one from Blake.

" Hold your head up high princess, they don't matter."

I smiled, I'm still a little pissed off for what he told Ronnie, but I can't stay mad at him.

After I read his tweet I read the rest of the hate. My smile quickly faded once I kept reading. I got that urge again. I went upstairs and got my razor. I started cutting my left hip again. That's 11 fresh cuts now. I put the razor back in its hiding spot and cleaned up the blood. I looked in the mirror. I stared noticing every flaw, not paying to much attention to my non flaws. Ha what non flaws. Everything about me is horrible. My eyes, lips, nose, cheeks, eyes, arms, legs, stomach. Everything. I picked up my phone again debating on whether I should keep reading the tweets. Nah I'll just talk to Blake. I sent him a text.

A: Hey wanna come over and watch a movie or something?

Blakey: You're not mad at me anymore?

A: No, I get what you were trying to do, you just did it the wrong way.

Blakey: Oh ok I'll be over in a minute. Want me to pick up something to eat?

A: No I'm not hungry.

Blakey: What? You're always hungry.

A: Today I'm not.

Blakey: Alright see you in a little bit.

I put my phone down and took a shower and brushed my teeth. I put on baggy sweats and a long sleeve black shirt. I heard a knock at the door and opened it to a smiling Blake.

B: Hey beautiful.

A: Hi...

I smiled looking down. Beautiful? Yeah right.

B: What movie you wanna watch?

A: I don't know. Anything you want.

B: World War Z?

A: Did you only pick that because I'm crazy and my nickname is Z?

He chuckled.

B: Of course I did.

A: Well fine then.

I put in the movie and sat next to Blake. He tried to pull me on top of his lap by grabbing my waists.

A: Oww.

I whispered.

B: What's wrong?

A: Oh nothing.

He tried again, this time a little more aggressive.

A: OWW! Blake let go.

B: What's wrong does your hip hurt? What happened.

A: Just a bad bruise from a scrimmage with the team

Good recovery.

B: Really let me see.

A: Oh no you don't need to I'm fine.

B: No I want to see.

A: No I'm fi-

B: Show me.

He said it firm. Like he knows the real reason. Shit.

A: Blake I'm fine.

B: No. I know why your hips hurt, but I want you to show me.

I sighed and stood up. I showed him my right hip instead of left.

B: Now show me your left.

I looked down. I showed him my left hip, revealing the fresh cuts. He looked down with his face in his hands.

B: I didn't know it was that bad.

A: You haven't read all of it.

B: I'm sorry.

A: You shouldn't be sorry.

B: But I am. And this time I do mean it.

A: I'm just releasing stress.

Then a tear streamed down his face.

B: That's the wrong way to do it.

A: It's the only way I know.

I kneeled down wiping the tear from his face. I lifted his head looking him the eyes.

B: I should've known.

A: What do you mean?

B: I should've known you were changing. You were quite the whole time. You're wearing baggy clothes, hardly showing any skin. You aren't hungry. You don't have the same smile. You're different. Promise me you won't cut again.

A tear started streaming down my face.

A: I can't do that.

B: Please? At least try?

A: I'll try but I'm not making any promises.

B: But really try your best.

A: That I can promise.

Blake continued to cry. It's heart breaking seeing someone him cry because of me. I honestly will try my best not to cut anymore, but I can't promise. Telling someone who's depressed to just turn off their emotions and stop cutting is hard for them. I can't just stop. I have to work for it. I say on Blake's lap comforting him while he continued to cry with his head on my shoulder.

A: Stop being a baby.

We both giggled.

B: I'm sorry. It just hurts to see you in pain.

A: It hurts me to see you in pain.

B: But it's worse when I can see your pain on your skin.

A: I'm sorry Blake.

B: For what?

A: For putting you in this. For falling in love with you. Your life probably could've been better without me.

My voice cracked on the last part. Blake was silent for a moment, like he was thinking

B: Don't ever say something like that to me again. Besides Ford, you're one of the best things that has ever happened to me. My life would be horrible without you. I don't know where I would be without you. I'd probably wouldn't even be in the NBA. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you.

He pressed his lips against my neck. I ran my fingers through his curls, while holding his hand. No one has told me that they felt so deeply about me. No one had proved so much that they love me. I don't think I could live without Blake. Maybe I am ready for a relationship again. No, I know I'm ready for a relationship again. A relationship with Blake.

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I'll try an write some more laterrrrr.