I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 18

"Kids do you think you're up for going out for dinner tonight?" you shout to their room from where you sit cuddled up to Bucky's side on the couch.

"Yes!" they both exclaim in reply.

"Damn it I thought they'd be too tired to go. I'm pooped," Bucky whispers into your hair.

"Come on it'll be fun to catch up with Steve!" You nudge him.

"I know I know," he chuckles. "I want to go. It's just I was hoping the kids might be all tuckered out after two whole days being on the go. This parenting thing is hard."

"They're just excited to see you. And excuse me, you've only been doing it for two days I've been doing it for three years," you tease.

"I'm just kidding with you doll. I love spending time with them." He smiles and kisses your head.

"Isla's taken to you well," you comment.

"I know." He grins. "And Luke is just the same as I remember."

"It's so good to have you home," you sigh and snuggle deeper into his side.

"Trust me, it's good to be home," he huffs.

You can't help but think about how as much as you love Bucky no matter how he acts, he has been different since he came home. It's clear that everything he went through has affected him.

The past three nights he has woken up in the middle of the night with nightmares and not settled down until you cuddle him back to sleep and he just doesn't seem as happy or have as positive an outlook on life as you remember the smiling, talkative man you knew.

Instead he seems self conscious and nervous a lot of the time, especially about his arm. He always wants to hide it and barely uses it as if he is scared of it. Around the kids he puts on a brave face and laughs and acts like he is enjoying life. Like at the museum the other day he took turns having the kids on his shoulders and flying them around the aviation exhibit like am aeroplane. But when it's just you and him he's so quiet now.

You'll always love him no matter what but you just hope that the war doesn't continue to affect him like this for too long or else your scared it could do some serious damage to him. How many sleepless nights can one man put up with? There is only so much that someone can take and you have no idea what is going on with his thoughts at the moment. He is only human after all.

"Come on, we should go get ready or else we will be late." He grunts as he gets up from the couch, interrupting your thoughts.

"Oh right, yeah." You mumble as he helps you up.

"Everything alright?" He frowns in concern.

"Yeah, just tired and in a daze is all," you brush it off.

This is something that if it continues you will need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about to make sure he's okay but for now it is not the right time.

~

You're meeting Steve and his new girlfriend Peggy for dinner at a little local restaurant that is quiet, family friendly and full of a delicious range of food at 6pm. You and your crew walk through the door at exactly 5:59pm and find a table big enough to fit the six of you that are coming. You sit beside Luke and across from you Bucky sits next to Isla in her high chair.

Steve and Peggy walk in the door a few minutes later, arm in arm and smiling widely when they see your family. They wave as they come over and sit at their end of the table facing each other.

"Hey guys!" You smile. "Good to see you again. Hope your settling in well Peggy? And your adjusting to home life again Steve?"

"Getting there." They both sigh in unison and then look at each other and laugh.