I'll Keep This Secret For You

Chapter 76

"No!!!!" Is all that rings in my ears as I plummet straight into the icy cold water and all of a sudden I feel an immense pressure, pushing me down and under.

It's uncomfortable and scary. I get tossed and turned and chucked about, churning beneath the power of the waterfall. I have no idea where up and down is, all I can see when I open my eyes is murky brown. I don't know whether I want to let it take me or not.

I do want to die. I don't want to die.

I do. I don't. I do. I don't.

I do want to die because the world would be better off without me. I don't want to die because somehow if I make it through all of this, I could make a difference.

I don't want to die because I have a family. I don't want to die because I've ruined everything an lost them.

I do want to die because it would just be easier than all this. I don't want to die because I don't deserve the easy way out.

Naturally I open my mouth to suck in air but being surrounded by water, that's all that I can swallow which of course makes things ten times worse. I fight the urge to deny what is happening, it's for the best.

Suddenly I feel a firm grip on my shoulder and something pulling me in whatever direction when finally I breach the surface. I can't help but gasp for breath, swallowing a huge gulp of what we all take for granted.

All I can hear is the loud thundering of the waterfall that splashed right near me. I look around confused to see Steve, soaking wet, holding me above the surface and dragging me to the edge. I try my best to help him because it's clear he's struggling but i feel clumsy and useless and exhausted, like I've lost control of all my limbs. I'm pretty much just floundering.

Both of us cough and splutter. Finally we make it to a nearby rock and I latch onto it. He helps push me up as I drag myself further up onto it and then collapse down onto it's face, weak with fatigue. When I open my eyes again he is lying beside me on his back. His chest heaves much like mine and our breathing is ragged and tired.

I let out a weak cough and some water splutters from my mouth. I'm too exhausted to even lift my head. That plus it's still spinning and thumping. It dawns on me that I probably have a concussion after hitting my head last night.

When Steve opens his eyes again and turns to look at me he just glares. I can't quite place if he's pissed or just tired.

"Jesus- Christ Bucky." He huffs as he tries to get his breath back.

"St-Steve." I gasp. "Why would you do that? You could've died."

He just looks at me as if to say "are you serious?" But then his expression goes stone hard serious.

"I already watched you fall and didn't help you once. I wasn't going to do it again." He grunts as he tries to sit up a bit.

My heart pangs at this.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He scowls.

Oh shit. He swore. He must be very angry.

"Why shouldn't I do it Steve?" I sob, overwhelmed. "I've got nothing left. I've ruined everything. I'm wanted dead anyway."