(√）Let My Heart Speaks | MiChaeng

[17.2]

I don't want you to worried about me so i lied. I'm sorry. But one thing. I still remember you said that at least i should have told you what happened to my arm. How about you? Why don't you tell me about that shit disease that chose you? Why you kept in silence from us?

It's hurt.

To be honest. It's so damn hurt. But the pain, i felt after i cutted my arm.

Little do you know that the pain caused because of you- no. Because of the pain- no. Because of the incurable disease- no. It is because of your smile. Painful smiles that hiding your pain.

I'm sorry, i didn't mean to lie to you...

It's hurt to be very honest. But when i was doing it, i don't feel any hurt. My arm doesn't feel hurt at all.

You know why?

Because that time my heart is hurting to the maximum until my hand didn't feel any hurt from the scratching at all. The broken glass that i scratch to my hand until it bleeding non-stop, i didn't feel any hurt from it. I just keep scratched, scratched, scratched and scratched.

I didn't think of anything but about you, your smile, our future as four and your pain at that time. I just kept scratched my arm because i know, it is not hurt as hurt as you are struggling with your pain. So, I don't care.

The scratch in my heart that caused by you is more hurt than me, scratched my own arm.

I didn't blame you.

I just... want to say that i regret it.

Regret what?
Everything.

At that time i just want you to,

Tell me,

Everything you want and must,

Because,

I know,

About something.

That time, i knew something with what will happen to you in your future.

I mean, how it will effect you until you are not here anymore...

It's hurt.

My heart is aching.

My heart is crying.

My heart is shouting.

My heart is speaking, through this diary i am writing now.

Even until now, i am still hurting.

But i can't do anything anymore.

Because you are not here anymore..