She's not my sister

Chapter 21 - Papers

"Do you ever think about me?
When she ain't around, is your bed cold without me?"

Alix's P.O.V.

I never thought I could feel like this. Like I had hit rock bottom. I felt empty, most nights I cried myself to sleep, other nights I didn't even fall sleep, I just kept thinking about what Harley was doing.

I wondered if she thought about me or if she had went back to being the person who fucks every girl she finds attractive. That stupid, idiotic fucker who left me here, alone, that bitch, who I love. Yes, it's ironic that she had to leave for me to truly understand that I love her, I've loved her for some time now, but I hate her at the same time.

I hate her for choosing to run away instead of trying to fix things, I hate that I have to see her everywhere I go and hear everyone talk about her and not being able to show how much it hurts.

So here I was, another night of laying in bed going through our pictures together, her pictures and her messages on my phone, torturing myself with memories. The only thing that I've refused to do is go inside her room, but tonight I have a little voice inside my head compelling me to do so. To be closer to her.

I put my phone down on my nightstand and turn the small lamp, that is on top of it, on.

Sitting myself on the bed, I look at my desk, where the can of Pringles and the wristwatch she gave to me stand.

I grip my hair in despair, pulling it as I try to forget her, but it doesn't work, it never does, so I lift myself up from the bed and do the stupidest thing I could have done, I go to her room.

I open the door slowly and her smell hits me at first, bringing back more memories of her. I look around the room not daring to touch a thing and sit on her bed for a couple of seconds before fully laying down.

I remember the nights we spent together. How much I miss sleeping with her, her smell, how much I miss kissing her, her taste and how much I miss her hands caressing my face lovingly, I miss her touch and tears start to form in my eyes for what seems to be the millionth time since she left.

- "You're such a coward! Why did you leave me? I fucking love you and you just left me." I said to no one.

______________________________________

Almost a week is gone now and Harley has not talked with anyone. I've been trying to focus on school and drama club, I have a presentation in three days, a small play that will determine my final note in that class and I have to rehearse.

I could never bring myself to wear the watch she gave me, but I've been eating the Pringles just so I can throw the can away. One less thing to remember her by.

June and I still haven't talked. Liam ended up not actually going to Spain, cause he had already said no and he was replaced, so everything was just weird. Neither of us talked. Sometimes I saw them in the hallway and I could see how miserable they both looked.

I was tired of hurting, tired of seeing them hurting. So if I couldn't change my situation at least I would try and change theirs. We shouldn't all be feeling like utter shit.

Taking my phone off my purse, I texted June for the first time since the day Harley had left.

Can you meet me at 4tea after school? I think it's time we sort things out and just talk like normal people.