𝗚𝗢𝗧𝟳 𝗜𝗠𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗡𝗘𝗦 𝟭

anorexia ; jackson

Requested by: HanYerim
Song Recommendation: human; christina perri

jackson as boyfriend

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Ahhhh, high school. A place where you realised that the world wasn't made up of sunshine, rainbows and glitter. Instead it was a place where life revolved on society's expectations, everybody's eyes always on you, judging you, ready to categorize you into one of their boxed systems. Were you a popular kid? A geek? A jock? The options were endless. But the hierarchy of high school was always the same. You had the queens, the cheerleaders, the jocks in one untouchable group and then there was everybody else who was placed based on how close you were with the first tier. If you were close with them, then your high school life would go along smoothly, if not, well then be prepared for 4 years of hell.

This was why you had your mind dead set on being in the very first, privileged tier. You wore the right clothes, styled your hair right, acted the way you should and slowly but surely you made your way up until it was your 3rd year of high school and you were finally the Queen, everybody else at your feet. Unfortunately, like every monarch around the world, reigning above the high school kingdom was like swimming with sharks, namely other popular girls who were waiting to jump on your position like a hyena does on a fresh carcass. Every step, you took was scrutinised and it was like walking amongst a pit of vipers.

The only thing that made the whole thing bearable was Jackson Wang, your boyfriend, who was the only jock in the entire school who looked like he had actually managed to retain some form of brain cells. While the others would holler and shout and basically act like such boys, he was the only one who saw you for the real you. He looked through your shield of make-up and confidence to the real girl inside.

The small, scared girl inside who was terrified of losing her footing, plagued by insecurities, sometimes unsure of what she was doing, the one that sometimes didn't want to wake up an hour early to school to pick out the perfect outfit for the day.

He saw the girl that wanted to just sometimes, wake up late, splash her face with water, tie her hair up and go to school, not caring what others thought of her, the girl that wanted to go to school wearing an over-sized, terribly colored sweater because it was the biggest and most comfortable thing in her closet with a pair of flip-flops, instead of that pleated denim skirt, wedges, slightly-low necked white blouse and leather jacket.

And the best part of it was: he managed to see the whole of you. The good, the bad, the everything. He took it all in and instead of curling his lip in disgust, and turning away he actually:

Loved. You. More. For. It

He was the only one where you could completely let your guard down and just be yourself, which was rare in the pretentious world you lived in. It never mattered to him what you were wearing, your happiness was his first priority. He could make you laugh, genuine, full-bellied, head-thrown-back, kind of laughing.

But there were still certain things you couldn't tell him. Things you couldn't tell anyone really. Things like, being so scared of getting fat that you often skipped meals, sometimes the only thing you would have in an entire day was a protein bar, all in the effort to ensure your body was as slim as possible. You knew what this was called, you had seen the diagnosis EVERYWHERE. Anorexia. But you constantly tried to reassure yourself, saying that it was for the benefit of your body, besides you had an image to maintain. There was a nagging feeling that was urging you to stop, but you just pushed it in the back of your mind, ignoring it as much as you possibly could. You had only just begun the diet, surely, nothing too terrible would happen yet.