•Day 10• Ava

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I didn't want to get up that morning

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I didn't want to get up that morning. I wanted to stay in bed for the rest of my life and forget about everyone and everything.
It was all because of Allie, my little sister, who'd jumped into my bed and shouted-"Ava, Ava wake up! Mommy's made pancakes for breakfast!"- that I even woke up.

And now I regretted it. Despite the pancakes.
A day had to be pretty awful if I refused pancakes.

My week started to go downhill ever since the phone call with Ted. I mean, wasn't it already bad enough that he declined my offer to hang out? Well, of course it couldn't stop there. To top it off, he had to be the one to comfort me during my almost- breakdown in the cafeteria. Honestly, I didn't know what had gotten into me.

Julia said it was because I'd chosen to bottle up the emotions I'd felt revolving around Skott's death so much, even the slightest mention of her would cause me to let it all go. Either way, I hated how Ted conveniently stepped in to become my knight in shining armor only when I called out for help. It would've been nice if he'd stayed the rest of the time too, but no, he had to be there only when I was on the verge of a complete meltdown. 

"Hey, it's okay,"he'd said. "I'm here for you, Av. Whenever you need it. You don't have to worry about me judging you in any way. I know you're usually not the type to open up, but I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk, I'll always be here." That didn't help much, honestly. It just made me want to cry more. Instead, I'd pushed him away and told him I just wanted to be alone at that moment. It was almost impossible not to notice the hurt that flashed across his face when I'd said that, but he was quick to swallow up his feelings and said he'd see me around later. 

It was hard not to feel guilty for doing that to him, but at the same time it made me even more confused. I was in a quandary about what to do next. Surely he didn't expect me to make the next move, right?

"Ava, you said you'd play dress-up with me today!" Allie said querulously, tugging down on my t-shirt. I groaned. "Aw, Al- can't we play another time?"

She looked like she was about to cry. "But that's what you always say!"

Mom looked up from her laptop. "That's true, Ava. That other time never comes." I sighed. "Mom, can't you take my side for once? Today's not a good day."

Mom took one long look at me and shut her laptop. "Allie, why don't you go to your room and get the dresses ready? I'll play with you today." Allie looked like she wanted to protest some more, then reluctantly went up to her room when she realized Mom wasn't going to take no for an answer. When Allie was out of earshot, Mom put her hand on my shoulder. 

"When is it not a bad day, Ava?" She asked, and I felt like bursting into tears. That's how I'd felt all week, but not once had I acquiesced. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should just go and play with her...." I said, ready to make my way up the stairs. I wasn't ready for another philosophical talk about life and how one day I should start looking on the bright side. I already knew all that, but no matter how much my mind wanted to believe there was happiness lurking out there for me, my heart didn't wish to believe it. 

"Sweetheart, no. That's not what I meant." I close my eyes. I could feel the flood of emotions rising in my chest. I needed to get out of there. "Mom, I know that's not what you meant. I'm just not ready to have this conversation right now."

And that easily, I pushed her away. Just like I had pushed away everyone else. I didn't regret it one bit. 

"Ava?" she started, when I'd made it halfway up the stairs. "Take some rest, okay? It'll all get better with time." And somehow, just this once, I wanted to believe it. 

Later that evening I got a call from the last person I wanted to talk to: Ted. I cut the call the first two times, but when the phone rang a third, I was tempted to pick it up just to shut him up. 

"Hey, Ava! I'm sorry I wasn't free to hang out the other day. Can I make it up to you?" He asked, sounding sincere. I almost said yes instantly, but knew better than to sound desperate for his attention. "That's alright. I'm kind of busy at the moment."

"What about tomorrow?" he asked, the enthusiasm in his voice dropping a notch. "Daisy wanted me to come over tomorrow," I lied. I almost hit myself at my own stupidity. Obviously he wasn't daft enough to buy that excuse. We could never predict when it was a Daisy Day or not. Holly's splits were erratic. However, he still didn't budge and I felt a familiar flutter in my heart. "Then I'll join you,"he said. 

"R-really?" I choked out, disbelievingly. "If that's okay with you guys, that is." I almost jumped with joy. "Yeah, that'd be great. See you tomorrow?" 

I could imagine him smiling at that moment. "Tomorrow it is."

Even after he hung up the phone, I kept thinking back to our conversation and couldn't help but wonder that maybe I'd been wrong about Ted. Maybe he really was caught up with something the other evening and I was completely overreacting. Perhaps he did care about me after all. 

Suddenly, I had an idea. Opening my wardrobe, I took out a long, blue sleeveless dress that used to belong to my mom. She'd given it to me in the hopes of seeing me in it for my first prom, but I realized that maybe the best thing was to seize an opportunity as it came. What better day to wear a beautiful dress than this one? 

Slipping into the dress, I made my way to Allie's room and opened the door. She and Mom were already dressed up in mismatched articles of clothing Mom had collected over the years- glittery boas, feathered hats, a tiara on Allie's head, polka dot socks for Mom. Seeing me in the doorway, Mom gasped and Allie squealed. She took the tiara off her own head and stood on her tiptoes to reach mine. I grinned, balancing the too-small tiara on my head and reached over to throw one of the boas across my neck, then did a little curtsy. "Your majesty, would you be so kind to let me join you in your game?"

Allie giggled, shouted yes, then ran to give me a hug. She only reached my hip so she was basically hugging my knees. I bent down to kiss her forehead and Mom watched us with a wistful look in her eyes and a smile playing on her lips.

We spent the rest of the evening modelling an array of wacky clothing, Allie giggling every time I told her she looked just like a princess. Mom gushed taking a look at her blue dress that I was wearing, saying that perhaps there was no perfect moment and that any moment could be made memorable if one wanted it to be. I could always count on my mother to turn a normal conversation into a deep one. 

I found it pretty hilarious to see myself like that. I was so happy, so carefree, so.... un-Ava. I wondered how my friends would react if they saw me like that. Would they find the change so remarkably huge that it'd be looked down upon? Would they love it more than the regular Ava? Would they accept me no matter what?

I pushed all the thoughts away and thought better to stay in the present."Turns out it's a happy day after all,"I said to Mom, and I wondered why I'd waited so long for those words to come out of my mouth when true happiness lay before me all this time. 

• • •
A/N I'm not exactly satisfied with this chapter for some reason. It just seems rather rushed. I'll try and edit it and make it better.
Let me know what you think!

Love,
Via ❤

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