Mirror, Mirror | ✓

•Day 58• Ava

"We need to talk."

The four words every teenager fears. What did they find out? What did they see? What are they mad about this time? What's going to happen?

Is it a divorce? Bad grades? Dead relative? Text message with a best friend about flying hotdogs that led to parental concern? Probably the last one.

Slowly, steadily, you make eye contact. You observe the way your parents look at each other. You catch onto the faintest hint of a smile on their lips and you know that they're just messing with you. If you catch a glimpse of worry, you can breathe a sigh of relief because it's not your fault, it's theirs. If it's anger, however.... Oh hon, you're screwed.

This time was different for me, though. I didn't have a moment of severe contemplation where I felt like my whole world was spiralling. I didn't have to go through a list of whats and hows and whys. I didn't even need to observe the look on my mother's face to know very well what I had done, why she was upset and what I needed to do next. It was as if in that very moment, I felt my future finally come to perspective. After being captured amidst quandaries all my life, I finally knew what I had to do.

"I'm sorry," I said simply, trying to wrap up the lecture before it had even begun. I knew this would only make Mom madder, but I couldn't seem to think. I just knew that I needed to get away from all of this as soon as I could. And that was now.

"I really am," I continued, avoiding her gaze. "I shouldn't have screamed at Mr. Mills. I was moody, I was taking it all out on him and I'm sorry." I was being impossible. I knew it and she knew it. She wanted to have a discussion, I wanted to be alone. She wanted to make me understand, I wanted to pretend that I understood. She wanted me to be a good kid, but alas, I was far from it.

"You're being impossible, Ava," Mom said. I hit the nail on the head, didn't I?

"I apologised. What now? Am I grounded for telling the truth?" I guffawed. My mother's eyes filled with storms. I'd pushed her too far. Cue the thunder.

"This is Julia's fault," my mother seethed. Now that took an unexpected turn. 

"Julia? What does she have to do with anything?" I asked, raising my voice. Why couldn't she accept my apology? This was the fastest I'd ever admitted to making a mistake. Usually I refused to accept that I was wrong, I threw an enormous tantrum and ended up giving in after a highly exhausting, emotional three hours. Clearly I was making progress, right? What was it with parents always finding a way to get mad at you?

"She should get fired, Ava."

The words felt like an icy grip around my throat. They paralysed me. I was choking, coughing, struggling to breathe. 

"Are you listening to me?" My mother asked, and I nodded, ever so slightly. I felt her inch closer and closer to me as if she too, like the words, had the intention of taking my last breath. 

"What she did was wrong. She told you everything she knew about another patient. That's against the code of conduct. Ava, listen to me." I was trying, really, but I couldn't. I didn't even consider what my mother was telling me. Julia, the only person who I could freely talk to, could lose her job. All because of me.

"I didn't.. I didn't mean to-" I started off in a trance. I didn't even mean for the words to be spoken aloud. I didn't mean to tell Mr. Mills everything. I didn't mean to let Daisy or Alora die, either, but I let it all happen. My apologies were meaningless now.

"She fed you information that led you into doings things you shouldn't have, Ava." Now I was listening. Julia told me what to do. Her advice was right there, following me all along, but I couldn't keep up. I should've realised Alora's trigger sooner. She was my best friend, after all. I should've known. I failed her. I failed Daisy. I failed myself.

"Of course I should have!" I said indignantly, bringing back the Ava flare that she knew and hated. "Look, I don't know what Mr. Mills told you, but I had to meddle. Holly Mills is my best friend. I needed to help her, with or without her father's support." Support was a strong word for someone who'd done everything wrong. He put himself before his daughter. He chose to lead his own life rather than regarding his daughter as his life.

"Did you really think that was going to help her?" Mom asked. All the respect she'd built for me over the years shredded away in that moment. Every proud smile, every tear of joy and every hug of support was vanquished from her mind. My tower had toppled over. I had to build my reputation from the bottom once again.

"It was worth a shot. But what would you know about that? All you seem to care about is whether or not I'm at the top of a building. The steps taken between the ground and last floors don't matter. It's all black and white to you. I'm happy or I'm sad. I'm sane or I'm psychotic. What if I'm still alive but I'm not living?" 

I whispered the last part, unable to form words any longer. Tsunamis filled my eyes and tornadoes struck my heart. 

"She was supposed to be helping you," my mother whispered, ignoring everything I'd said. I turned away from her, unable to look at the disappointed frown etching her face. I didn't have anything left to say to her. 

I trudged up the stairs, two at a time, not daring to look back. Grabbing the little packed rucksack I kept hidden at the back of my closet, I raced back downstairs and out the front door, knowing full well that my mother hadn't moved a muscle from where I'd last left her. She'd crossed a line and she knew what I was about to do.

It was something neither Allie nor I had ever considered, owing to convenience. Mom's house was closer to school, it was in a better area, it was larger, and frankly, Mom always seemed like the more... put together, of the two. 

After years of subtle persuasion and warm invitations, I'd finally taken my father up on his offer to live with him.

The minute I settled into the passenger seat, my phone began to ring. I didn't even bother checking it; it was undoubtedly my mother trying to apologize for yet again speaking without considering her implications. But the bucket had started to overflow. I couldn't take it anymore.

I wanted to restart. I wanted a blank slate. I wanted a new life.

Senior year was at its culmination; all we had left was the annual production and the graduation ceremony, neither of which requiring my presence. It was almost too easy to disappear, using college as my excuse. I knew that Ted would be heartbroken, Will-angry and Holly-disappointed, but I needed to put my life first, just as Mr. Mills had done. I'd delivered all my lines the best I could. Now, the show had to go on without me. 

After the Huntsman saved Snow White's life, he rode away on his horse, leaving the princess to find her Prince Charming and her happily ever after. 

No one had heard of him again.

. . .

A/N Goodbye, Ava. You will be missed.