BITTER SWEET. | J. JK

SIXTY-NINE.

4:11 pm

Days went by painfully slow, and the pain of the hearts only bled deeper. Eyes fixed on the white lilies, her mother's favorite, as words seemed to roll down out of her tongue like a cascade of hurt and wilted roses.

Nervously playing with her fingers and hesitantly conversating with the wind that rustled through the dark green grass, it was here Y/N felt the most comfortable. Surrounded by buried memories and aged death, wishing if she could only turn back in time.

"Do you remember that time...when I went back home after my first day of high school..." Fingers grazed softly the white petals and all about the fragile flowers reminded her of happier, of living moments with her mother. She smiled sadly.

"And...I was freaking out because there was a really cute boy in my class and, I wanted to talk with him but I was so awkward and I accidentally poked his eye with my pencil and he cursed at me." She giggled lowly. "You laughed at me, how bright it was...and I was so mad at you because of it but, now I see why you did...

He was my first love, I guess I never told you that... Although I'm pretty sure you knew, back then."

"Do you remember how heartbroken I was when me and him broke up? I spent nights crying on your arms because I just couldn't understand how, why we hadn't work out, why we had fallen out of love with each other." Y/N sighed, the reminiscence still burned alive in her mind from time to time. "And...you told me it was okay, you told me it was okay to cry, it was okay to be hurt. It meant I loved him and I cared about him, you said. Now, I understand why me and JB never worked out, we were compatible but we didn't fit together, we both knew that. We were perfect for each other and that had always been the problem.

You told me love wasn't about looking for someone who was already perfect but rather someone who I could build my own version of perfect with."

The wind blew softly through her hickory brown locks of hair and if timid tears were building up underneath her faded eyes, the summer ending breeze took them with it, dancing away from the both of them; her and her mother, who laid calmly on the bed of demise.

"It's been a while since then, there were a couple others that ran by and, all of them ended up by leaving. And it was okay, because I always had your words, your voice; because I could always turn to you but now...But now, it's completely different. All I have is memories."

"And, it isn't enough. With him, because of him, it's never enough, mom." Her voice wavered for the first time and it was all it took for transparent rivers carve their way over her skin. It hurt. It hurt so bad. "It all happened so quickly, it all happened so intensely, it all felt so true, so vivid. The sole fact that I know I love him makes me so miserable." She wiped her streaming tears with the back of her hand, sinking deeper under the shadow of the tree that her mother's grave laid underneath in that summer afternoon. "I'd like to say that if you had met Jungkook you'd like him but," She smiled painfully. "you'd probably hate him... But, don't worry, I do too."

"I really miss you, mom."

"I really do."

**

I'm happy you still love white lilies, it somehow makes me think you didn't change after all these years. I wished I could have the opportunity to see you one more time, with that beautiful smile of yours, with that glow of your eyes but, all it's left is my memories of those times when we sat on the rooftop of my house, watching the sunset bidding its goodbyes to us. I suppose that has to be enough for me to resist the pain.

She...she looks just like you. She has your smile, she has your glow on her eyes. It's sad, she is so young, her world is all before her and it's sad the past is holding her back. I wonder if you've ever told her about what your past used to look like. But, knowing you like I do, you probably never did.