BITTER SWEET. | J. JK

DELETED CHAPTER.

surprise, surprise. are you still there?

She paced from side to side, with whether heavy steps in anxiety, whether with soft cotton strides in the discreet fear that still rode on her veins. Staring at the clock, waiting for the smallest of the movements of the minute pointer hadn't done no good and Y/N had learnt it, the hard way. She was almost certain she had already done pretty much everything to distract herself, but nothing seemed to work.

Sleep hadn't visit her these past two weeks, at all, and sporadic were the nights she could close her eyes for more than four hours without waking up, drenched in cold sweat, dry tears on the corners of her brown eyes and with this immense feeling of void. These two months had been a complete hell, the last year of her major had already started, summer had been consumed by the cold winds of autumn and the heavy rains, that would oh so sweetly make her company at weird hours of the night where she contemplated if she should risk it and give him a call to only hear the static memory of his voice personally recorded for voicemail.

This is Jungkook and if you're hearing this is because I'm either busy or I just don't feel like answering your calls. Either way, leave a message after the beep and I'll call back. Eventually.

But just like Y/N never had the courage to leave a message, disconnecting the failed call in a ridiculous fear that would always creep on her, he never called back. He would never call back.

There were also other nights, when she had gotten the point to dress herself, putting on her shoes, grabbing her umbrella and storm out of her apartment. She would drive until his studio, the one it has his mother's in the old part of the city, right where the downtown streets ended. The first few weeks she still walked inside, she still had the little rusty key, everything looked the same, felt the same, but nothing was the same anymore. She would seat on the edge of the same mattress under the single window, where you could see the Han River, darker by the day and as calm as ever, feeling the neon lights ran through the features of her face, recalling how the purple ones were her favorites on Jungkook's skin.

On the first day she had found a forgotten jacket of his laying on the couch as if it had been left alone to rot, between the forming commotions of dust and the dark. She remembered the jacket perfectly, he had worn it on one night where she had pretty much dragged him out of his bed so they could work on her mother's case just a little bit, because Y/N had come up with a theory, a very far-catched one at that, and she had wanted to revise it with him and even though he had, at first, told her to fuck off, twenty minutes later, he had been there with a lazy smile and his tired eyes. Now, coming to think about it felt completely ridiculous as Jungkook knew who the killer had been and he still let her play the role of a fool.

Yet, the jacket still smelled like him to her and the jacket still held his warmth, even if, in reality, it didn't. But, she hadn't taken it with her, she had left it there, in the same place she had found it, too frightful it could, in some way, change the past she so desperately wanted to hold on to.

And, with the current nights she had gone to the little studio apartment, the more she had begun to feel like it didn't matter anymore, like she didn't belong there anymore. Slowly but surely, her strength to walk past the building door started to cease and now, Y/N, with her umbrella in hand, protecting her from the rain, she would just stare at the old building, as to make sure it still existed.

Because if the old building was still there, the "us" that had been "her and him" had had to exist as well. It assured her that what they had had wasn't an illusion.