Sex Tape [Hemmings]

twenty four

Jo

        Dear Johanna,

I'm sorry. I won't be able to say this enough in a life span to get across how sorry I am. I need you to understand something, something you should have known along time ago.

The man you met on our first date, Marcus, he's my leader, as in, my gang leader. I won't go to into depth with that Johanna, but Marcus has given me everything. When my parents died, he agreed to take custody of me. He's my uncle, Jo, and I owe him for that.

Making a sex tape was only me and the boys plan, this was never meant to happen. Michael told Marcus and he made a deal, he buys the sex tape off me for 50 grand and all I have to do is leak it, easy enough, right?

Wrong. I never thought I would see you again, but I still blurred out the faces. Marcus told me I could go down in history if I let everyone know who it was after a few weeks of everyone wondering who it was had passed, so I agreed.

I needed some excitment in my life, or so I thought.

A friend of Marcus' wanted to buy our tape, why I don't know, but that's how Marcus got the money to give me. I would get that money when I let out who was in it, and I could leave the school with no harm done. I didn't need the education. It was all supposed to be fun and games, until I met you.

Falling in love with you was the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me.

I refused to leak it, Jo, I said I wouldn't do it, but when he threatened to hurt you, I knew I didn't have any other choice.

The only reason I (including Calum, Michael, and Ashton) were at the school in the first place was to be the eyes and ears of someone who owes my uncle money, and I wanted to have some fun while I was there doing his dirty work.

Jo, baby, I tried to tell myself all twenty years of living I didn't need anyone, but the truth was I did, and I found that out when I met you.

When I was with you, all I could do was smile. Whether I was watching you play with the ends of your hair, or how your lips moved slightly when you wrote, I was mezmerized with the thought of having you in my life.

There is nothing worse, and nothing more sad then the memory of happiness, and I will never feel that again if Im not with you.

I know what I did was wrong, and I know I hurt you, but you hurt me too. Hating me is the worst pain I could ever go through. I would rather you pull a gun to my head then hate me, because I can't live with myself knowing you do.

I'm not good at relashionships. I managed to find the flaws in myself, and I let them take the best of me. I foretell the ending then go and create the worst situation possible, and end up alone.

I've lied to myself more then I have to you, and I need to be completely honest from here on out.

I don't think this was a one time thing, hooking up and it all ending over this. It's not.

I refuse to let you go, Johanna.

I need you to know that I am in love with you. Every single thing about you, I love.

A week ago you told me you didn't know what you wanted, but I do, I know what I want.

There are things we don't want to happen but we have to accept. Things we don't want to know but have to learn. There are people we can't live without but have to let go..

I can't, baby. I can't and I won't.

I want you Jo, in every single way possible. Let me prove that to you.

It's early. It's been no more then a month's time, but I know this is what exactly what I want.

Attached to the bottom of the scribbled letter was a simple picture of a piece of jewelry that looked like it had costed a fortune, and I couldn't help but ruin the image with nothing but tears.

I won't let you go just yet, not like this.

Before I had the chance to move a muscle, a painful cry escaped my lips, the boy I told my self over and over for the past month I hated knelt before me, tears evident on his cheeks, a smile on his face, and an overly expensive ring in his hand.

"Marry me, Jo."