Sex Tape [Hemmings]

thirty one

Jo

     My period.

I had gotten it night ago, waking up with severe cramps and having a slightly awkward moment with Luke on our walk to the corner store and back.

I knew one hundred percent I had my period. I clearly remember the events that took place that night, and I specifically remember seeing my not so grateful friend had came for her monthly visit.

I had cursed upon realizing I had forgot to put in a tampon this morning, rushing into the bathroom the moment we stopped so Luke could fill up on gas only to realize I apparently did not need it.

I surely didn't imagine it, but yet again I could have. With everything going on lately, I could have easily imagined the whole walk to the store with Luke. But one thing I was sure of, was what happened this morning.

I didn't have my period anymore, or better yet I never had it at all. Although the cramps filling my stomach and lower back told me something was wrong, whether it was my period or not.

Exiting the washroom and catching a glimpse of Luke leaning against the car, his pale cheeks pink from the cool weather, I glanced along the racks of the shelves lined up in the tiny store, purchasing a box I prayed I wouldn't have needed, scurrying my way to the front counter to get this painful moment over with. 

Before Luke could make his way inside to pay, I stuck the remains in my purse and threw the the box and receipt into the garbage, earning a devious look from the boy behind the counter. Sure, to him the whole situation might have looked suspicious, but in reality I'm saving both Luke and myself the painful conversation of why I'm buying pregnancy tests.

The old, wooden door creaked open, the bell alarming someone had entered. Luke gave me a simple nodd his way before walking towards the counter, mumbling to the clerk what pump he had been using, not that there was many options anyways. The station was small, holding two gas pumps and the odd necessity in the store itself.

"You okay, babe?" I snapped from my gaze and glanced up at Luke, who I might add looked adorable with flushed cheeks. I simply nodded, placing my small hand over his large one, intertwining our hands.

The boy behind the counter, whom was around our age, glanced at our hands then towards me, holding back a laugh as he handed Luke his card back which he shoved into his pocket.

"Ready?" I nodded, Luke's hand taking over my position, re-intertwining our fingers, his thumb lightly running over the back of my hand. "Oh, she's ready." The cashier laughed, a smug look playing on his face. "Excuse me?" Luke's jaw tensed, a sick feeling emerging in the pit of my stomach, and I wasn't sure if it was because of the conversation that could be brought up, or the fact this could even be a conversation in the first place.

"She's ready." His eyes submerged to my purse, my hand tugging at Luke's. "She just doesn't know if you are." Again I tugged at Luke's hand, practically begging him to drop the conversation and leave.

Obeying my command, Luke dragged me from the store, rounding the front of the car to the passanger side to open my door, a harsh look on his face. I knew the second he got in I would be hit with twenty questions, and it all started with one I wasn't sure how to answer.

"What did he mean, Jo?" I shrugged, his hands gripping the wheel so tight his knuckles turned a shade of white I didn't know was possible. "Are you sure, Johanna?" his jaw clenched, my purse resting on my lap. "Im sure, Luke." I gave him a look of reassurance, Luke's torso stretching over the distance between us, enclosing his lips on mine for a short moment before starting back up the car, speeding out of the empty lot.

"Asshole." Luke mumbled, the veins in his neck prominent as he spoke.

Watching Luke I almost felt guilty. The feeling built up inside of me and I didn't know how much longer it would be until I exploded and everything I've held inside came pouring out all at once. I love Luke, at least I think I do. I wouldn't be with him, here, if I didn't.

Looking at him, his left hand gripping the wheel harder then he should, a harsh look on his face, showed me one side of him. The other, was his hand softly holding mine, every couple minutes it would be brought to his soft lips where he placed them against the back of my hand before setting them down on to his thigh.

He would look at me every so often. Steal a quick glance my way, smile, then turn back to face the road. This, was another side of Luke. The one I knew all to well. He loved me. I loved him. Why wasn't it that simple?

Still to this day I regret saying no that night. I should have married him and maybe everything would have been easier. Maybe.

But now? Im stuck with guilt through our so called relationship. We made a sex tape, it was leaked, I was expelled, I agreed to basically run off with Luke, whom I barely knew, and leave my whole life behind.  And now? Now the stupid cashier thinks I'm ready but Luke isn't. The truth is I'm not. I was never ready for any of this. Nor Luke or myself is ready for anything that comes are way.

After all, I don't even know what to classify Luke and I as. Dating? Friends with benefits? Oh, and there's the slight possibility that I might be pregnant, that's always great news to share with someone you just met.