Sex Tape [Hemmings]

twenty five

Jo 

        what do you do when you don't know what to do? You usually end up messing up. And that's exactly what I did.

I was beyond excited to start at Oxbridge, more or less because it would be a clean, fresh start from the last, but boy was I wrong. The second I walked into the school, all eyes were on me like a deer in headlights. I was in a  spotlight I didn't intend on being in.

It kept me grounded for a moment, embarrassed at the fact a school over two hours away from the last had known about the incident, and well enough knew I was in it. How? I'll never know how these people knew, considering after a group of good looking frat boys patted me on the back and asked if I was up for making a sequel, I walked away.

I've never walked so fast in my life. I stormed out of the double set of doors and didn't look back, and then it hit me. What the hell was I going to do?

My family thinks I'm still in school, considering I told them I was framed for 'cheating' on a major test and they expelled me for that due to their high-class working system, and that I was accepted into a proper university not to far away, which they got over quickly.

Hense, I couldn't go home, and I sure as hell couldn't go back into Oxbridge, so what do I do? Live on the streets for the rest of my life, cringing when someone walked by congratulating me for the sex tape I had no clue I was apart of at the time.

I'm half way there, I just need to find a comfortable spot on the road and I'll be set.

I panicked for a while. Questioning who to call and what to do for the time being, but a certain someone happened to be waiting in their expensive looking car, head peaking out the passenger window, a smug look on their face.

"Get in." Luke nodded, tapping his long fingers against the wheel, a deep sigh escaping my lips. What I meant by a certain someone was Luke, who knew well enough I would not be in that school any longer then I was. It was the thought that counted, he knew I wouldn't be staying here. It was all a set up, and it worked.

"Johanna," Luke sighed, taking off his sunglasses and placing them on his lap. "Where are you going to go, baby?"

I wanted so badly to scream at him, curse and telling him to never call me that again, but I held my tongue. "I don't know Luke, where am I going to go?" My hands flew above my hand, landing at my sides in a 'thud'.

"I'm never going to get the job I've been working for my whole life." a single tear rolled down my cheek. "I'm never going to be able to walk into a school without being, and I quote 'congratulated' for being in a sex tape." Another tear. "Luke, I will never be able to do any of the things I wanted because of you." I hissed, endless tears pouring down my face.

I quickly glanced at Luke to see his head in his hands, his neck red and veins sticking out, clearly in anger. "Just get in the car." His voice was deep, raspy, and would have turned me on if we were not in this situation, anything but this situation.

Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right, but I truly had no other option, I got in the car, making sure the door slammed on my way in.

Instantly, the car started up, my head falling back against the cool leather seat, Luke hesitating to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Your going to say yes," I didn't bother to look at him, and he thought the exact same way. "One day, Jo." I rolled my eyes, my breathing beginning to steady. "Good luck with that." I mumbled, nothing but hatred radiating off of my every word to the person beside me.

"You love me," I rolled my eyes again, a quiet laugh escaping my lips. "I hate you." I admitted, though it wasn't the complete truth. "Maybe not as much as I love you," He sighed, quickly glancing at me before his eyes held its stare on the busy road ahead of us.

"I am going to ask you until you say yes." Again he glanced my way, his eyes glued to my hand which rested on my thigh, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip, "I'll ask everyday if I have to." He sighed, and I followed his stare to feel my heart drop into my stomach.

Girls would kill to be in my position. Every other person would kill to be with Luke, despite any bad thing he has ever done.

So why was I the odd one out? Why was I secluding myself and distancing myself from what everyone would kill to have a chance with? Maybe because he ruined my life but hell, who knows?

I said no, if you were wondering. When I said "what do you do when you don't know what to do? You usually end up messing up. And that's exactly what I did." I meant it. I meant every single word.

When Luke asked me to marry him I was happy, but at the same time I couldn't help but hate him. I didn't know what to do. I was torn between loving him for himself, and hating him for himself, which was my problem.

When you don't know what to do you make a quick, undecided decision and it usually ends up coming back and biting you in the ass.

What do you do when you don't know what to do? You pull a typical Johanna Smith and mess up the only (partially) good in your life. You seclude yourself from that good, and it builds up inside you as guilt.

I could think of all the things Luke has done to wrong me, and in the end I still do love him, and every time I look at my left hand, the one that should be sparkling with the fifty thousand dollar ring Luke got on one knee for should be, there's nothing.

I said no to marrying Luke Hemmings, and I can't decide if that was the right or wrong decision.