Sex Tape [Hemmings]

thirty nine

Jo

     It was 4 in the morning, and neither Luke or I have got a wink of sleep. Although Luke begged me several times to sleep, moving in different positions to get comfy, it didn't happen.

Currently, our back's were both pressed against the headboard, silence filling the room. Luke wasn't saying anything. It was dead silent except for when I flinched at his touch and he muttered an apology. Luke's hand currently rubbed soothing motions over my stomach, his knuckles bruised and torn in the light.

"I need to go to a doctor." I croaked, breaking the silence. "I know," He whispered, his free hand sliding across his forehead before his thumb and middle finger squeezed his temples, a groan escaping his lips. "I know Johanna but I can't go with you." I swallowed, nothing but a gallon of air that made my chest feel heavy.

"Why not? This is your baby Luke." He began nodding over and over, his hand running through his messy quiff before placing it on my thigh. "I know baby. There is just things you don't understand." I rolled my eyes, which were dry and burning from the amount of tears I shed earlier. "Then help me understand, Luke. This baby is dying, and If I don't get to a hospital," Luke removed his hands from my body, pushing him self off the bed causing me to stop mid sentence.

"Johanna, I understand. You don't know how badly I want to bring you to a hospital but I can't. Jo, I just can't. They'll suspect something, what if they take you from me?" His head fell limply into his hands, his breathing heavy and quick.

I managed the best I could to move to the edge of the bed, pain emerging in my stomach every time I moved the slightest. "It was an accident, Luke. Nothing will happen to us, but if I don't go," Luke's hand forcefully slammed against the wall, causing a tear to roll down my cheek.

"The baby will die! I know, Jo! I fucking know." He growled, his head resting against the cream coloured wall. "I've done thing's that are catching up to me. I screwed you over, but I can't loose you like this. Your all I have, and I can't afford getting caught."

My head spun in confusion, a hurtful sigh escaping my lips. "What are you going on about Luke?" His tall figure swiftly moved to my side of the room, his jaw line prominent and the veins in his neck were clearly noticeable. Luke was mad.

"I'm supposed to be dead, Johanna." I was taken back, my hand flying over my stomach which began to feel as if I was being stabbed repeatedly.

"This whole god damn town thinks I'm dead, and I'm clearly not. That's why it was the perfect opportunity for me to leave. That's how I met you." Pain continued to make is way through my body, my dry lips parting. "Luke?" He sighed, his large hands clenching my knees.

"I killed my mom. I know what I said, but it was all a lie. Everything. My father worked with Marcus a while back until he died. Marcus started using me and manipulating me into doing what he wanted. He thought I was just like my dad and I wasn't." Luke's jaw clenched, his eyes fixated on my stomach. "My dad owed Marcus money and when he died he left it with my mother. We had nothing, so she refused to give it up. I drove away with my mom hoping we could get away. We got in an accident." My mouth fell open, Luke's face pale and not a single emotion shown.

"She died," He choked, his eyes making their way up to mine. "I ran away for the time being, until Marcus found me. We immediately left and that's when I met you." His hand squeezed my knee, sending a shock up my spine. "Everyone here know's who I am., what I did. If someone see's me, they'll be quick to call authorities. They know about my mom and they know about Marcus. They'll lock me up and I can promise I will never get to see you again."

It was silent, and I had pondered what to say. Apologizing won't bring his mother back, and telling him it will be okay is a down right lie and we both knew that. Instead, I stayed silent, until he decided to speak again.

"This is a mistake." he shook his head, his hands shaking before pulling them off my legs. "This is all a mistake. I shouldn't have brought you here." My mouth parted, tongue running over my dry lips. "What do you mean?" the sound of the rain harshly hitting down on the roof making me jump.

"It's a mistake!" His tone of voice startled me, and I was afraid it would wake up the whole house. "I'm not good for you, Johanna. You know that." A single tear dropped down my face, which was cold, pale, and seemingly lifeless. "This was all a mistake." Mistake. Luke's apparent new favourite word that he kept repeating over and over, until the point where I would break.

"I lied to you about so much. I used you until the point where I liked you. I manipulated you into doing what I wanted. I am no better then Marcus, and you don't deserve that. You deserve the best and I can't be that!" His voice was now soft, and frankly hard to hear over the roaring thunder and the rain hitting against the house. "I love you, but,"

I love you, but is possibly the worst thing someone could hear, and right now, I was hearing it.

"Us," He motioned, "we were a mistake. I never meant for any of this to happen." By now tears were streaming down my now warm cheeks, my head wandering to possibilities of where this is going to lead.

"I, I thought you didn't want to loose me. I thought I was all you had?" I croaked, Luke's teeth biting down on his bottom lip. "I don't want to loose you." He shook his head, eyes never leaving my sight. "Then don't let go of this, Luke. I am asking you to please," I stopped mid sentence, tears catching up with my words. "Please, just don't leave me." My vision became blurred, my heart racing faster then it should, something it did a lot around Luke.

"I need you, Luke. You're all I have." And that is when I seen a real, genuine smile from Luke. It wasn't with his lips, nor did he have to say anything.

It was in his eyes. But of course, that meant nothing compared to what he spoke. They say actions speak louder then words, but in this case - that wasn't the case. Luke's words spoke louder then any action. His words hurt a whole lot more.

"I don't think I can put you through this anymore, Jo."