"Once, I knew a sick boy soldier, one who grinned at life." Theodosia Fuentes said softly, voice breaking as she looked at the crowd. Her mother Quinn caught her eye first, tears streaming down her mask like face. Next were her grandmothers Cole and Tony, both of whom were holding hands with their husbands. Finally brothers came into focus, clutching each other in a way that they would deny later, like they were keeping each other from drowning.
"He always slept soundly through the darkness and whistled to the night." She said after a moment, swallowing past the lump that had formed in her throat as she caught sight of her uncle Beck, a spitting image of her father who lay in a casket a few feet behind her.
"He comes from a town of normal, of which he is ashamed. And the thing that hurts the most is that people will remember him kindly, but no one will remember his name." She choked out, and then bowed her head to hide the tears that emerged. After a breath she continued, keeping her eyes trained on her mother's.
"And it gets cold in the winter. And sometimes I get lost when the feeling ain't right. Like now. And even mother can't sleep at night. I know that like me, she gets lost in the feeling. But her feeling ain't right." Theodosia said quickly, and then rushed back to her seat.
"I knew a sick boy soldier, who laughed at life." Quinn said later at dinner, making everyone look up.
"And like Dosia said, he slept soundly through the darkness." She laughed softly, and then folded her head into her arms as she began to sob.
"Mama, I know you can't sleep at night. I know it is to get lost in the feeling." Theodosia started, but Quinn cut her off when she looked up.
"The feeling ain't right."
"This isn't what he wanted." Beck whispered, and Quinn looked at him sharply.
"He would tell you to carry on, even if the ships and sails are gone." He continued, and Quinn took a raggedy breath before grabbing her daughters hand as an anchor.
"This place is falling down Beck. It's crumbling to the ground. How do I carry on? The pirates and sailors have gone, and this ship is sinking now." She said sadly, and he blinked once, opening his mouth to reply before she got up, walking to her room before closing the door.
"It gets cold in the winter sometimes." Dosia offered up, and then got up from the chair after her mother, not knowing that her brothers were just behind her. She opened the door to see Quinn on the bed, her father's draft letter open in her lap, tears smearing the letter.
"Mama?" Dosia asked quietly, and Quinn looked at her with a half smile.
"Dosia, darling. I love you. And your brothers. So much. Beck will take care of you." She smiled, and then pulled a letter from the beside drawer placing it next to her.
"Close your eyes." Quinn instructed, and before Dosia could register what was happening, Quinn pulled a handgun from the drawer and placed it against her temple before pulling the trigger.
Two weeks went by before anyone could read her note. Dosia finally found the courage and slit the envelope open, tears springing to her eyes at the smell of Quinn's perfume. She pulled the letter out to see the familiar slant of her mother's handwriting, and ran to her grandmother once she finished reading it.
"To my children,
I love you. All of you. If it weren't for you, I never would have known true, pure joy, or love. Any of it. Go forward and know that your father and I are so very proud of you. Always will be.
As to the reason of this letter, I'm so sorry. That I left. But, without your father I am no one, and nothing. He was my sun, my stars, my everything. Meant to be, from the start. When he passed, I just got lost. Even now I get lost when the feeling ain't right.
Don't cry. I hate tears. Smile, and know I love you, and that I'm exactly where I need to be.
-Quinn Sanders Fuentes
She gets lost in the feeling
But her feeling ain't right
I set this in the 50's ish, when the draft was a thing.
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