Two Sided [COMPLETED]

Chapter 34- birth control

JUNG HOSEOK'S POV

          She gasped lightly when my lips met hers, but because of her intoxicated state, she didn't pull away from me, instead forgetting about anything she just previously said and went along with it. I know she wouldn't have let me if she was sober right now, she wouldn't go against what she made her mind up with. But for some reason I'm still trying.

         I shouldn't be taking advantage of her like this, I shouldn't do anything she wouldn't approve of when she's sober, but despite the pang of guilt that shoots through me I can't stop now. I have one goal, one idea in mind, that I have to prove that I'm better for her, that I can love her. So is it such a bad thing that I'm trying to set her mind straight, is it such a bad thing that I'm head over heels for her and I just so badly need to kiss her?

              Am I really doing anything wrong?

          I know that's up to her to decide, but in the moment the guilt I feel isn't strong enough to overpower the other emotions that are attacking me, the lust and the desire and hopelessness. I just need to kiss her and maybe it'll all go away.

            She kept leaning forward against my lips, kissing back gently, till she swiftly moved onto my lap, without even breaking us apart. That way I could hold her closer, feel her closer to me.

           I placed my hands on her upper hips and pulled her toward me, her legs open over my lap. I unconsciously became passionate with the kiss, and she continued to go along with whatever I did, in an almost convenient way. But that's such a horrible way to think of it that I pushed the thought right out of my head.

             She moved her hands up from my chest and wrapped them around my neck, playing with my already messy hair. My hands slowly moved up and down her back.

             She was the daring first to add tongue, seeming just as desperate as I am. For a few moments I actually forget about everything going on, and I think for a second that maybe this is real. I kissed her back harder, and she took sharper intakes of breath when we started getting more rough.

           She chuckled drunkenly, in a slightly seductive manner, when I bit her bottom lip. I kissed my way down her cheek and jaw and stopped at her neck. She allowed everything, and I felt myself get carried away. I was away of it, and yet I continued.

             I parted her loose T-shirt to uncover more skin and sucked at her collarbone and shoulder, my hands gradually moving lower.

            I didn't notice myself slightly moving my hips upward. I brought my lips back to hers, and while I was getting lost in everything I finally snapped back to reality when I felt her attempting to lift my shirt.

              At first I just shrugged her wandering hands away, but she brought them back, almost desperately. We need to stop, I know she's drunk and this is all wrong. This isn't what she really wants.

            So I give her one last kiss before pulling away.

            She started to lean in again but I held her shoulders so she couldn't. She started whining and complaining but I ignored her as I helped move her back to her seat.

           She whined more on the way back and eventually stopped talking when she fell asleep. I sat practically alone in silence for 2 minutes, thinking over what I'd just done.

            She'll be upset if she remembers. The last thing I want is her to be angry on top of everything else. Is that all I do? Make things worse? Complicate things? I thought that was what Jungkook was doing, but maybe the roles are reversed. Maybe it was me all along.