Destiny's Gamble

To Love Is To Breathe

"Here," Manik says, stepping off the porch. He holds out a mug towards me as he lowers himself onto the spot beside me. 

"Thanks," I say gratefully, wrapping my palms around the warm mug. My nose finds the rim of the cup, the refreshing scent of cardamom setting me at ease. I have made a promise to myself that I will now notice everything Manik does for me - even the minutest of details - and appreciate him for it, be it mentally or verbally. Although, I have a feeling if I voice out my gratitude too much then he'll retreat into his shell once more.

"So what gave it away?" I ask, turning my body to face him. 

"What do you mean?" Manik asks, the cup hovering in the air near his lips. 

"The food. What gave you the hint that I had made it? I mean, did you, maybe, see me cooking in the evening?" Manik smiles, shaking his head.

"Angel, I've actually been feasting upon the dishes you make for me." Manik says, as if I didn't already know this. I stare at him blankly, waiting for him to continue. However, he doesn't. My mouth forms an O as I realize he thinks I didn't know this.

"Really?" I ask, feigning utter ignorance. "Since when?" I lean into his body curiously.

"It's been a while. Once I tried the food you made there was no turning back. All I want to say is, it's fucking delicious. Heck, I don't even think you know the talent your hands carry." I watch my husband, a smile permanently plastered across my lips. I don't remember the last time anyone could make me experience such great lengths of joy. All I know is that I shouldn't give up on this man who is capable of doing so.

"Thank you, Manik," I say earnestly. 

"For what?" He furrows his brows in confusion.

"For being like this with me." I nod my chin between our bodies. "For allowing me to have such conversations with you; ones that I wish never ended. For making me thank my lucky stars. Actually, I just want to thank you for everything. There's nothing specific," I shrug.

"You're wrong though," Manik says. "I should be the one thanking you. After all, ever since you've come into my life I've actually developed a zest for it." I bring my knees up to my chest, and place my chin on them, staring up at the stars.

"So when are we going to discuss the elephant in this house?" I question, not meeting Manik's gaze. I don't want to see his expressions and risk being disappointed if I see something I do not want to.

"Which is?" I roll my eyes, sighing.

"Alya, of course." 

"What are we to discuss about her? And why?" Manik scoffs. The haste with which he replied throws me off. I turn my head towards the Devil, my eyes scanning his face for telltale signs of what's going on in his head...or maybe even his heart. 

"Manik, we can't ignore the fact that she is your ex-fiance." I don't understand why he's acting so casual about this, as if we're discussing what to have for tomorrow's breakfast. 

"And that was a mistake," he replies simply. "A big one actually. Hell, I was a fool back then. Yes, I'm going to go ahead and accept this - I was a fool for choosing her, or even remotely thinking she and I had something." 

"So what you're trying to say is that there's nothing between the two of you anymore? I mean, no feelings, no bad blood." I can bet Manik can hear the disbelief in my tone. He places his mug of coffee on the left side, and scoots closer to me. My husband takes my hand in his, the pad of his thumb drawing circles along the center of my palm. 

"Honesty time?" Manik asks, his eyes seeking an answer from mine. I nod my head, bracing myself for the worst. Aiyappa, please don't let him say he's still in love with Alya. I don't think I can hear those words from Manik.

"At first, I'll admit, a question kept clattering against the inside of my head. Why did Alya leave me?" Manik stares straight into my eyes as he speaks, his thumb still at work on my palm. "My castle full of insecurities came crashing down on me, and I was driving myself to the brink of insanity. But now it doesn't even matter." He scoffs, as if his past actions make no sense. "Because I gained so much more from that decision of hers. A woman who's so much better, you." He grins at me as if Alya couldn't have taken a better decision than this. 

"Today when I saw her I should've felt enraged and blown up on her, created a scene, acted out in some way," Manik continues. "Surprisingly, though, I felt nothing upon seeing her. She's just another face now; someone who is related to you. A woman I once shared a past with. A person who means nothing whatsoever to me." 

I soak in Manik's words intently, his entire behavior making sense to me at once. I never expected him to lose feelings for Alya at such a quick rate, but what more could I have asked for? Clearly, their bond was as weak as it seemed. 

"Manik, is honesty time still ongoing?" I ask, raising my eyebrows questioningly. He nods, smiling at me encouragingly. "Why were you with Alya in the first place? I mean, what did you see in her, or how'd it start? Nothing made sense to me from afar, but maybe the closer picture will help answer the list of questions I have." 

Manik opens his mouth to answer and just as he does so the gate clicks open and in stumbles my not-so-beloved cousin. Alya steps into the compound, her heels clicking against the cemented ground. She shuts the gate and sways towards the right, barely managing to gain a hold on herself.

"Aiyappa," I murmur, feeling embarrassed just watching her drunken state. How can she do all this without feeling even an ounce of shame? I have nothing against drinking. However, allowing it to rule over your mind and body is strictly wrong. To top it off she's come home to her parent's house in such a condition. 

Alya turns around, standing rooted to a spot for a few seconds. She shuts her eyes, her head lolling from side to side like a bobble head. 

"Manik!" Alya yells, the second her eyes fly open. 

"Oh fuck," Manik mumbles, sighing. "Go to bed, Alya!" He calls out, louder this time so she can hear him. 

"Will you be joining?" She asks, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, as she makes her way towards us. Alya's hip slams against the back of Chacha's car. 

"In your dreams, sure." Manik retorts, scoffing. He stands up, looking down towards me. "Angel, let's go upstairs. I don't have the energy to deal with Alya right now." 

"No!" Alya yells, as I take Manik's outstretched hand and stand up. "Wait, Manik!" Ignoring her completely, my husband turns around and steps onto the second porch step. Right on cue, Alya's arms wrap themselves around his torso, the side of her head resting against his back.

"Alya, get your filthy - " I get cut off with Manik's rough actions. He places his hands over hers and harshly throws her arms off his body, sending her stumbling backwards. Unable to rein herself in, Alya's behind lands on the floor. The Devil turns around with a deathly look in his eyes; one that sends shivers running down my spine.

"Don't ever fucking touch me again," he spits at my cousin. "Your touch is as filthy as you, and I wish to not be polluted with it." Alya's gaze, however, isn't on him. It's on me. She is glaring at me accusingly as if I'm the reason for Manik's actions.

"What spell have you cast on him, bitch?" Alya asks, unable to so much as get herself off the ground. Maybe if I didn't harbor such strong feelings of dislike against her, I'd actually feel sorry for this mess. 

"It's called love," Manik replies, his arm snaking its way around my waist. "And I know you don't know much about it, but I'm sure it'll do you great good if you learn to live with it in your life." 

"I loved you," Alya whispers, her eyes now on Manik. He shakes his head, smiling with pity at her.

"That's just the thing, you never did. And I didn't even realize that because I had never felt love before in my life, but now I do. Alya, I can assure you of one thing without the slightest of doubt in my head, you don't know how to love. Not me, not your parents, and nor have you ever loved your siblings." Manik shakes his head. "And don't say it's okay to live a life like this because trust me, I have learnt now that it's not. To live without loving is to live without breathing."