Beyond His Green Eyes| ✓

Arcane

Arcane; secret, mysterious, understood only by a few.

C H A P T E R    F I F T Y - N I N E 

The fuck?

"Tell me it's not what I think, please, tell me it's not what I think," I pleaded, clinging onto the tiny shreds of hope that still somehow stayed alive in my heart.

My jaw tightened as he was about to speak. "Emily was pregnant," he confessed, so hopelessly that if I didn't know better I would say he was about to have a proper breakdown right here.

That's it. Everything around me changed the moment he uttered those words, it appeared as if everything surrounding me was making it hard for me to bear this news, even the air seemed harder to breathe in. I had dreamt of this day and night, of having a younger sibling, to play with him and trouble him like I saw all the other children doing when I was little.

I was so convinced to refuse that whatever he had said wasn't true and the helplessness that the situation made me possess was making me feel disabled to handle anything. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling extremely doubtful about having the might to stand up but at this moment, I didn't care. 

"You knew! You knew for twelve years and you didn't say a word to me and probably wouldn't have for the rest of your life if I hadn't come across those documents," I accused, letting the tears flow endlessly because that was the last thing my mind was worried about.

"Noah, you have to understand--"

I didn't care what he was saying so I cut him off. "And here I was, telling Sydney that I was feeling guilty about being a jerk to you and that I should've understood you better. You didn't say a word when I was talking to you right now as well. This is unbelievable," I said, throwing my hands up in the air as rage accumulated in my mind, partially hindering its functions.

"Noah, just listen to me, I didn't tell you because I was trying to ease the pain of losing your mother," he presented a thin argument and I scoffed at him.

"Ease my pain? That's your excuse? Dad, I don't need anybody easing my pain, I don't want to be saved. What I needed was for you to tell me the damn truth! Fine, let's consider your excuse for a moment, let's say you didn't tell me right when mom passed away but you had twelve fucking years! What, you were just easing my pain for all almost a decade?" I replied.

I continued when he stayed quiet. "You knew for so long, you could've told me and yet you chose not to tell me and please, don't bullshit me with that 'There was no right time' because you and I both damn-well know that twelve years is more than enough time and chances to let me know something this important."

"I didn't think you could handle it," he started with another one of pathetic excuses.

"Handle what? The fact that you lost me my mom and my sibling in one swift move? That I lost half of my family because you were careless? Because you couldn't keep them safe?" I said. My anger dominated my mind so well that I didn't think twice if I believed my words to be true or not.

"That's not fair of you, Noah, you know that I would do anything for them that I would've protected them with my life."

"And yet, they're not here. They still died even though you were with them. Do you even understand what twelve years is, dad? I'm still fucking hoping that this is a nightmare and that I'll wake up and it'll be over. It is driving me insane knowing that you thought it would be no big deal to keep this from me, to not let me know that this family was going to have four members, not just three," I said, walking away, not wanting to stay there anymore.

"Noah, wait, listen to me, please don't leave right now," he pleaded and I pulled my hand from his hold harshly, startling him a bit.

"You think I want to stay here and look at you for one more minute?" I spit out the words and it seemed as if in all these years, he had made himself immune to such behavior of mine.