Deceiver //PJM FF

Chapter 58

You were back inside your car after you had bid goodbye to Jimin's family members and left his house , him staying for some minutes behind to talk as you were waiting for him in the vehicle. You were silent as your thoughts were struggling on finding a way to get what you wanted from LeeGuk considering that you were sure that he already knew of the real realtionship between you and your husband.

Asking about his past relationships would be more than suspiscious ,especially now that you had made your intentions clear towards TaeYong. But such a question could also bring an upheaval emotionally because if  MinHee's culprit was really to be hidden in his past ,it was bound to bring him a surpirise and alertness that you may be close to the truth. Such a thing however would be good only if TaeYong was the one you would be facing because you have LeeGuk more than capable of not letting any expression show no matter on what degree the shock may be. Because of that ,you had concluded that you needed a less direct approach which would eat you more time however and it wasn't even guaranteed to get you what you were after but for now you decided to go with it and try your best to get under LeeGuk's skin.

With such determination of the moment , you picked up your phone and searched for his contact which you called after taking a deep breath however at that very moment, Jimin opened the door and entered the vehicle and you quickly made him a signal to hush before the car started moving and you focused your attention fully on the call till LeeGuk finally picked up .

"Mrs Y/N? What a surprise? TaeYong is in a meeting currently." He told you and you smiled before replying.

"I called you not him, didn't I?" He fell silent for a moment before he replied with a simple yes that made you understand well that you had really caught him off guard with your call.

"Can you spare some time for me? I have the need to see you." You deliberately used words more informal and welcome for misinterpretation as you wanted to stimulate his thoughts and emotions even though you knew well that it made a big contrast with the usual way you speak to him, on the rare occasions that you had meet each other.

"Of course. Should i come by the house?"

"Your house. I will be there in 40 minutes. Don't make me wait." You hung up the call knowing well that you had perplexed LeeGuk's thoughts as well as put him in an uncomfortable possition because you had chose an environment that could be misunderstood by others if someone was ever to know. 

You knew well that he might  be thinking of this as a trap but you also knew that someone like him would be too curious to dodge it so no matter with what thoughts he was to come meet you, as long as he was to come, would be more than enough.

"We changing direction. Head north." You informed the driver before you pressed the button for the wall to rise and gift you and Jimin some privacy in the back seat.

"Y/N. This is dangerous. You shouldn't-" He tried to argue as NamJoon had informed him of what he talked about with you and Jimin really didn't like at all the fact that you had told him that you would try and approach LeeGuk .

Jimin had never seen him before but from the summary of his hyung , he didn't sound as an easy person and even thought he was going to be by your side at any moment he couldn't help but worry about your actions and mostly about the consequences that might follow.

"There is nothing to worry about Jimin. I am already in life danger so i have nothing to lose. I will get to the end of this no matter what." You replied and looked at him with eyes that displayed your determination and he couldn't help but fall quiet, understanding your reasons of doing so.

"Have you ever thought that maybe it's better to let it go? I know you want to find the truth and i support you in that but we both can tell that you have a thirst for revenge against him. "Jimin dared and spoke those thoughts that he had for a long while but kept to himself cause he knew that they were a delicate subject that might upset you and that was not to his benefit however he just couldn't keep it in forever because he cared about your good and keeping such feelings of hate deep inside where in no way good for anyone.

"Have you ever thought that it may not be his fault? Because no one can be responsible for someone's else actions. He might have been hurt too and-"

"Stop" You cut him off and looked at him with a pained gaze that also contained anger and Jimin stared back at you , unsure if he should continue.

"Y/N, please." He took hold of your hands and you felt the urge to pull back for a moment but instead you took a deep breath and closed your eyes.

"I can't..no matter what  you say and what the right thing may be. I can't help but blame him. No matter how he was involved or what truly happened. I will always blame him the same way i blame myself. "You softly left those words escape from your lips as you felt the sadness sinking inside you. 

What did it matter? How she died and why she died as long as she was no longer with you? It was his fault for not protecting her as well as yours for not noticing. For years you had heard that sentence coming out of people's mouths. 'You were her best friend. How come you didn't know? How come you couldn't help her?' Those words that sinked in your heart day by day deeper and deeper till they left a bleeding wound in your heart. A stain of self blame and hatred almost  as powerful as it was your hatred towards TaeYong himself.

And now, here you stand, in front of a possibility that she might have not taken her life but gotten killed instead which also means that the hands of a specific person held the blame fully yet you couldn't help but have these feelings towards anyone that possibly got her to that point. What did it matter how and if he was hurt too? She had died so non had lost more than she had. What did it matter if he hadn't killed her with his own two hands as long as he took part in it one way or another. He was supposed to be the love of her life ,so No. There was no way you could ever forgive him for his betrayal towards MinHee, not now, not never.

"My Y/N. Don't get me wrong. All i want if for you to be happier and these feelings to stop torturing you like this." Jimin's voice reached your ears right before you felt his forehead touching yours and you slowly opened your eyes to meet his soft looking ones.

You couldn't help but feel vulnerable at that moment, in front of that caring and worrying  gaze that he was gifting you . Why did he have to let the kindness of his soul show so much? Why did he had to make you feel so calm and serine inside, every time he was to come so close and look in your eyes? Why did he had to be the only one that was capable of making you feel so many things just by standing before you? You couldn't understand but also you didn't want to truly answer those questions because their asnwers were scary. 

This was not the right moment nor it will ever be. You were never supposed to fall in love nor you ever thought it was gonna happen yet here you were, looking at his eyes and feeling emotions so different from anything you had felt up to this point of your life.

Love was something you didn't believe in since you were a little kid. Love was nothing but a lie and a way to manipulate other people. Love was a weakness that you had swore to never have but you never really kept that promise because you had a beating heart inside you that kept loving and caring. For your parents whom used that weakness of yours again and again, for your friend who you lost and that love turned against you , leaving you with sorrow. What was the point in loving if at the end only pain would be left? What was the point of feeling if all it was gonna make you, is a victim.

There definitely was nothing to win from it yet you couldn't help but lean closer and capture his lips softly for some few seconds, getting him by surprise.

"Don't worry. I will be happy. Someday after all this ends. I promise you that i will focus on myself till i find something that will make me want to live more than i usually want to die. I promise really."You smiled a bit as you gave him your little pinky,trying to trap your own self to a promise that would keep you going even when you might feel like you don't have the strength anymore.

You had passed through many of such days and you knew that they would come again but you also knew that after you bring justice to her soul, you wouldn't have many reasons to live so you were trying to make one. You would never dare let down the hopes of someone that cares for you as Jimin seemed to be and as such you promised that, knowing that no matter if he was to be around in the future or not, the promise to the him of right now would never change nor it could be undone.

"I will be  watching over you so don't dare to break this promise." He said as he linked his small pinky with yours then pecked your lips lightly before pulling back and flashing you a smile, so bright and beautiful that you couldn't help but think at that instant that no matter how bad love may be, if it was to be his love, maybe, just maybe, the pain would be worth it.

---To be continued.....