Famous In Love

50

Lexa was sitting on her couch with a glass of wine, knees pressed up her her body while she was lost in thoughts. Ever since she saw the photo of Clarke and Bellamy kissing, she was still surprised by it. She was always convinced Clarke was into boys but somehow a part of her kept on believing that somehow there was hope. Hope that maybe in the future there was place to develop her feelings because there was definitely something special with Clarke and seeing her kissing someone else didn’t give her a pleasant feeling. She didn’t feel the urge to talk to her anymore while before all she wanted to do is go back to the time they could say anything to each other. But now things had changed and Lexa was confused. Confused why Clarke hadn’t mentioned anything about how she felt about Bellamy. And now these texts, the sudden explanation. It only made her question if the photo wasn’t leaked, would she even give her an explanation or tell her what’s going on? Her thoughts got interrupted by the doorbell. Lexa looked confused at her watch, checking the time because she didn’t know the time but she did know it was past midnight already. Lexa got up from the couch and set her wineglass on the coffee table before walking to the door. She looked through the side window first and saw Costia leaning against the wall. Lexa opened the door and looked at her ex with a questionable gaze. “Costia, what are you doing here?” Lexa asked and Costia’s face lighted up when she saw the brunette in front of her. “Lexa!” She shouted excited and almost jumped on Lexa. If Lexa hadn’t catched her she would have fallen down for sure. It became very clear that Costia was intoxicated. “What are you doing here, Costia?” Lexa repeated and she noticed her voice was cold. “I love you.” Costia said and Lexa’s heart ached at hearing her say that sentence. “Now you love me?” Lexa scoffed and Costia just looked at the brunette. “How long is it going to take before you don’t love me anymore. That I’m not enough anymore?” Lexa raised her voice because she was done with people who played her. “I know how it looks like.” Costia tried to start but Lexa interrupted her, “No, you don’t know how it looks like. You have no idea what if feels like because I always loved you. I never stopped or I never got bored by you. That was you. You got bored by me and I wasn’t enough anymore. And now you’re back here to what? To tell me you love me?” 
“Yeah because I really do. I never stopped thinking about you. It was always you I just lost sight of that.” Costia said and Lexa shook her head but didn’t say anything. “Alright. I’m sorry for bothering you. I just wanted to see you again. After our call while you were still in Sydney, it just felt like the old days again. And I missed that. I missed you. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it too, Lexa. You’re my home.” 
“Your home? Is this a joke to you? ‘I don’t feel anything for you anymore’. Those were your words when you broke up with me. And now you’re telling me I’m your home? How does this make sense to you?” 
“It doesn’t. But does love ever make sense? It’s a feeling. And I feel so much love for you. I feel safe with you, I feel myself. You’re my home.” Costia repeated and Lexa couldn’t help but scoff. “Your home? And the past weeks you went on a vacation or what?” Lexa asked pissed, “I don’t see any assurance here, Costia. No assurance that sooner or later you need another vacation. And you just leave me again. And it won’t be you that’s in pain. No, you will be on your island with boys and girls maybe too. And after some time you crave to be home again. I’m  not a boomerang. You can’t just throw me away and expect me to return.” 
“I don’t see it that way. For the past 4 years we were together all the time and I wasn’t sure anymore. I wasn’t sure if what we had was still there because I just got used to the feeling. But now I know. I love you, Lexa.” Costia said and Lexa didn’t know what to think. A part was happy, relieved even but the other part was alert of the risk. The risk of getting hurt again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here.” Costia said and she started to walk away. Lexa could see her staggering. “Come inside. I’m not letting you go like this.” Lexa said with a sigh and Costia turned around with a smile. “Like what?” 
“You’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk. I just gave you a whole ass speech about my love for you. I’m only drunk in love.” Costia said with a grin and Lexa couldn’t deny she had missed that grin. “You’re tipsy at least.” 
“I had to drink myself some courage.” Costia said while she walked past Lexa into the house. “Wow I missed this house.” Costia said while she looked around, looking for any changes but Lexa hadn’t changed anything since she had left. “I’ll make your bed.” Lexa said and she went upstairs to the guestroom. While she was making the bed, she hadn’t heard Costia creeping up on her. Not until she felt fingers tracing the skin of her arms and a kiss on the side of her neck. The touch made her shiver and for a moment she closed her eyes, enjoying the familiar touch. “Costia… Don’t.” Lexa said but her body didn’t match her words because she just let it happen, even canted her head to the side to give Costia more acces and she used it well. Costia turned the brunette around so she was facing her. She took Lexa’s face in her hands. “I’m sorry.” Costia whispered and when Lexa saw the pain in her eyes, she noticed the feeling of tears rolling down her cheeks, realising she was crying. Costia came closer and pulled into a kiss. At first Lexa didn’t move, she just let Costia kiss her while she noticed the familiar feeling of kissing her but still it wasn’t like before. There was a difference but Lexa couldn’t place it directly. Lexa got lost in the familiar touch and kissed her back, her hands clawing at her back