Famous In Love

58

After Lexa left Costia alone, she had been driving around the whole night. She didn’t feel like sleeping and she didn’t feel like going to Luna either. After hesitating for a long time she texted Clarke. Right now the blonde was the only one who she wanted to hear. She still needed some answer anyway. Costia had interrupted their talk on the roof. When Lexa arrived at Clarke’s house, the blonde already stood outside. Clarke walked to the car and Lexa lowered the window so they could talk. “Why are you outside?” Lexa asked. “Do you mind if we drive for a bit?” Clarke asked and Lexa unlocked the door so Clarke could get in. At first they didn’t say anything and things were awkward between them. Neither didn’t know what to say first. “Where do you want to go?” Lexa asked and Clarke shrugged. “I don’t really care.” Clarke said and Lexa nodded. It was moment quiet between the two again so Clarke did give her a location. “There is a playground nearby.” Clarke said and she gave directions to it. They stepped out of the car and took place in the swing set. “About what are you and Costia fighting?” Clarke asked. She didn’t really want to talk about Costia but she felt like Lexa needed the conversation. Why would she want to meet in the night after a fight otherwise? “It’s just difficult. When she broke up with me, she was all I wanted. I thought I had lost the woman of my life. And I believed that for a long time but I’m not sure anymore. Before the breakup we were perfect for each other and I was really happy. I didn’t even notice there was something missing. But apparently there was.” Lexa said while she starred in front of her, the cold breeze blowing through her hair. “Or there wasn’t. I mean, Costia came back right? If there was something missing, why would she come back?” Clarke asked and she didn’t know why she was defending Costia. All she wanted was them to break up but she had the feeling Lexa needed confirmation. “Do you really think so?” Lexa asked and she looked at Clarke now and Clarke looked back at her. Clarke regretted picking this place because she couldn’t be close to Lexa here. They were sitting on a swing and there was no way you could get closer here. “I don’t know honestly. I don’t know Costia that long. This night was my first interaction with her.” Clarke said and Lexa nodded. “So what do you think of her?” Lexa asked and Clarke didn’t know what to say for a moment. Could she suddenly be honest and say she hated her? Not because she’s a shitty person but also because she’s the one kissing your lips instead of me. “You can be honest.” Lexa said when she saw the hesitation in Clarke’s eyes. “I can’t hide the fact that I’m not really a fan of her. She’s… different.” 
“Different? What do you mean with that? Aren’t we all different?” 
“Well yeah but she’s more different. It’s like she doesn’t fit in. It’s like a person I don’t see myself get along with and the fact that she hurted you is probably one reason I don’t like her.” Clarke said and Lexa smiled at her. “Enough about Costia. What’s going on with you and Bellamy?” Lexa asked and she looked away again. She was afraid that if she had looked into Clarke’s eyes, the blonde would have noticed her hurt of the situation. “I kissed him.” Clarke said with a sigh and it was a sting to Lexa’s heart. She had hoped it was the other way around and Bellamy would’ve kissed Clarke. “Why?” Lexa asked and she tried to keep her voice as neutral as possible. “I wanted to feel something.” Clarke said and Lexa looked with a questionable gaze at the blonde. “After Paris I… changed. I changed and I couldn’t place it. I couldn’t give an explanation of what was happening. I was just frustrated and I felt numb even. There were so many emotions and I couldn’t place them. And I’m sorry I ruined our time together. I pushed you away and I’m sorry. You just made me feel a lot and I took it as a threat. So when you were gone and Bellamy listened to me, I kissed him. I can’t really give an explanation why. A moment of weakness I guess. Desperate of making me feel something. It was just one kiss but of course the paparazzi took a photo of it and now the whole world thinks Bellarke is real. Even Bellamy started to believe it I think. He started to act like were together on the stage and it made me mad. So I don’t know how we are going to fix that either.” 
“What a mess.” Lexa said and Clarke chuckled while nodding because she knew it was true. “I’m happy to have you back though.” Clarke said and Lexa smiled at her. “Me too.” 
“Now you should go back to Costia.” Clarke said and she got up from the swing. Lexa looked confused at the blonde. “Why? I thought you didn’t like her?” Lexa asked and Clarke walked to her to pull her off the swing. “Because I asked you if she made you happy and you said you thought so. I want you to be happy Lexa. So fix whatever is going on with her and let her make you happy.” Clarke said and she kissed Lexa’s hand. Lexa could feel the skin tingling where Clarke’s lips touched it but didn’t have a lot of time to think about it because Clarke was already dragging her to the car.