Sexual Exploration 2

28

Agust's heart pounded so forcefully in his chest that he felt sick.

It was finally the weekend, and his and Jimin's date was in a few minutes.

Agust gripped the edge of the sink, his fingertips turning white as his body trembled slightly.

What if I fuck it all up? What if he doesn't want to see me or Yoongi ever again? What if he realizes its me before I can explain? What if I hurt him? What if he hates me? What if-

A knock on the door jolted the alter out of his thoughts.

"Yoonbi?" Jimin called. "You ready?"

Agust swallowed hard, trying to calm himself down so his voice didn't shake when he spoke.

"Y-yeah, Pink. I'll be right there!" He called back.

Jimin giggled in excitement. "'Kay!"

Agust heard him skip away, and he exhaled, hanging his head.

What if everything goes wrong? What if I irreversibly fuck up? What if Jimin feels betrayed by me? What if I make him cry? What if-

"Stop it." He ordered himself, raising his head to glare at his reflection. "Pink deserves a good day, and you're going to do anything to give it to him, got it?"

He nodded at himself and steeled himself before finally opening the door and walking out.

Jungkook intercepted him in the hallway. "Agust."

"Rabbit boy." Agust maneuvered around him and Jungkook was quick to turn around and grab him.

"Listen, I have a few rules for you." Jungkook yanked the alter back.

"No thanks, I don't want them." Agust tried to shake himself free.

"Listen." Jungkook growled, tightening his grip.

Agust huffed. "Why can't you just trust me? I'm not going to cut his head off!"

"Protect Jimin at all costs." Jungkook said. "He's the most important person, always."

"Duh." Agust yanked his arm free, but stayed standing in the hallway.

"Secondly, you need to tell him the truth, that you're Agust." Jungkook was firm.

Agust sighed. "I know, I will. After the date."

Jungkook frowned. "You should do it before."

Agust shook his head. "In case he hates me, I want at least one good date to remember him by."

Before Jungkook could say anything, Namjoon came up the stairs. "Agust, there you are. Jimin's waiting in the car."

Agust nodded and tried to hurry by, but Namjoon grabbed the alter's shoulder. "Wait, one thing before you go."

Agust huffed. "Is Taehyung gunna stop me too? Is Team One Braincell gunna talk at me as well before I can finally go? Should I wait for the android to give me a speech on the history of ethics first? Is fucking Yoonie gunna-"

"You wanted to know why I love Yoongi." Namjoon said, and Agust perked up.

"Yeah, what's so special about him that it made you change?" Agust asked, cocking his head.

If he could find out the reason Namjoon changed, then maybe Agust could change as well.

"I used to be an arrogant, dominant alpha my whole life," Namjoon confessed. "Because the thought of giving up control to someone absolutely terrified me. Just imagining someone, even someone close to me like a friend or family member, having any authority over me gave me such horrible anxiety. I had to be in charge of myself at all times, and no one was allowed to get close. I was the only person in the entire universe who knew how to take care of myself."

Agust was surprised. When he had first seen the strong student back in class, the last thing that had ever come to his mind was trust issues.

"And then I met Min Yoongi." Namjoon couldn't help the smile that spread across his face when he thought about his husband. "I hated him so much at first because I knew exactly what he wanted with me- to dominate me and put me beneath him. I was terrified every single day in his class, so I acted out in anger and defiance to protect myself. And then came the day I lost the bet."

Agust knew that day very well. He had had a front row seat to the whole thing, after all.

"At first, I thought if I just fucked him first, then he would see I wasn't someone he could control, and he would leave me alone. But before that could even happen, he had me tied down from the ceiling. I couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't even see. He could do anything he wanted to me, he was in total control. I could only think about all the ways I had pissed him off and how that was all going to come back to haunt me in some sick karma. But then...all he did was take care of me. He gave me a way out, to use my hand signal whenever I wanted. He assured me he wasn't going to do anything to me that I wouldn't want him to do, and...although I had no reason to trust him...I just...knew I could. And...for the first time in my life...I did. I gave up everything and just put myself in his hands, figuratively and literally."

Agust couldn't picture himself ever doing the same. He craved being in charge, although for different reasons.

"It was a feeling I've never experienced before." Namjoon continued, looking at the floor. "I thought handing over control to someone else would be the worst thing ever to go through, an absolute nightmare, total hell. But...it was the complete opposite. I felt so...loved. Taken care of. Like I was a beautiful thing that only deserved to be respected and cared for. I never expected...that."

Agust was silent, not knowing what to say. He reached his hand out and laid it on the subs shoulder.

"It was a weight off my shoulders to have someone take care of me like that. Like I didn't have to do everything for myself anymore, because here was this person who wanted nothing but to love me." Namjoon brushed a tear away. "And I realized...that was all I ever wanted."

He looked up into Yoongi's eyes. "That's why I love you, Min Yoongi. That's why I'll always do anything for you. You showed me what true love was, and I'll gladly spend the rest of my life paying you back."

"Is that why you asked him out that same night?" Agust asked. "I was always confused about that."

Namjoon nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I knew I couldn't let him go after he opened my eyes like that."

He sighed and straightened up. "Anyways. That's why I love Yoongi."

"Huh." Agust stared. "And here I thought you always submitted to him because you're not so secretly a whore."

Namjoon scowled. "Agust-"

"Jokes, sub." Agust huffed. "Sorry."

Namjoon smiled. "Have fun on your date."

Agust's heart skipped a beat when he remembered Jimin was waiting for him, and he almost blurted out asking Namjoon to come with him.

But no, he didn't. He wanted this to be just him and Pink.

He could do this, he was Agust fucking D.

So he marched determinedly to the car, telling himself he had this.

He's just a little pink thing, you can handle it, you're strong, powerful-

He opened the door and Jimin beamed at him from his seat. "You ready?"

-oh fuck he's beautiful.