Sexual Exploration 2

39

Namjoon leaned against the street light, not even feeling the coldness from the ground leak through his clothes.

He was too busy staring at his favorite picture of Yoongi- the one of them framed by their bed.

Tears blurred his vision and he rubbed them away with frustration.

His sadness party was interrupted when Seokjin called him for the fifteenth time.

This time, Namjoon answered.

"Namjoon!" Seokjin gasped. "Finally- where are you? Are you okay? I know you hate us but please, after everything...don't go off alone without telling us anything. Please...just don't do that."

Namjoon didn't reply, staring down at his shoes as he held the phone up to his ear.

"He picked up?" Namjoon could hear Hoseok's shocked tone. "Namjoon! Please, tell us where you are and we'll come get you!"

Namjoon let his head fall forward, resting his forehead on his knees.

He was so god damn fucking tired.

"Namjoon?" Seokjin asked, tentive. "Please...can we come bring you home?"

It was silent for a few long moments, before Namjoom finally choked out, "Library."

He could hear them scrambling to get to the car and he hung up, burying himself deeper in his thin jacket.

He only wanted Yoongi...he would only be happy if Yoongi was with him.

Seokjin and Hoseok didn't understand...they still had each other.

Sure, they all loved Yoongi, but nobody loved Min Yoongi like how Min Namjoon loved him.

Jimin could relate a little more, since he had Jungkook, but Jungkook wasn't kidnapped by his criminal father.

Namjoon was alone in this.

He looked up at the sky and watched a bright star shoot over him.

Somehow, he just knew the star was telling him to stop being a fucking dumbass. He had four people who were there for him, if he would stop pushing them away and let them in.

He sighed, staring up at all the stars.

Oh how he wished he and Yoongi could live there, just them, away from everything bad, just playing and jumping from star to star, happily ever after.

He wanted Yoongi's cute giggle, his gummy smile, his amazing food, his warm hugs, his deep voice, his teaching knowledge...

He knew if Yoongi was here, he would scold Namjoon and slap him for how he snapped at his boyfriends.

"I'm sorry," Namjoon whimpered into the night. "I need you baby...I can't do anything right without you. You're all my thoughts, distracting me, fueling my emotions...I just need you. I can't operate without you in my life, right next to me, where you should be."

Tears slipped down his cheeks. "I don't know why I can't protect you...everyone says I'm so smart, but I acted like an idiot so many times. They say I'm strong, but I'm nothing without you. I can't handle being away from you...I can't stand it. It hurts!"

The stars twinkled.

"Why..." Namjoon wiped his cheeks with his jacket sleeves. "Why couldn't it have been me in that box? Why couldn't it have been anyone else but you that got taken? You know I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat if I could...you and Jungkook."

The night was still and calm around him, offering up no answers.

"And Agust...I let you down. I'm so sorry...you were doing so well, I was so excited to tell everyone about you...I was wishing the best for you and Jimin- oh God, and I snapped at Jimin when he didn't deserve it. You see?! You see- Yoongi and Jungkook? This is why I need you! I'm a fucking idiot on my own!" He cried, burying his face in his hands.