Strange Fate

Chapter Forty-Six

Tatiana

After our little comfort moment, we both grab dinner at a restaurant and silently ate our food. I drove her to her house after, and much to my surprise, she asked me to stay.

"Are you really sure na it's fine na I stay here?" I asked as Lyrie, as she puts cover on the foldable foam, which is situated under her bed.

"Oo nga. Ayaw kong magdrive ka pa pauwi, baka mapano ka. Anong oras na rin kaya."

I can't help but smile at her words. I know naman na she cares and I understand na she's avoiding me because she's protecting herself. Kaya I swear na I will make it up to her. I will never do what I did again. I swear to stay and commit to her if she allows me to.

She stopped to point at my face. "Laki-laki ng ngiti mo ha."

I shoot her a smile and the way her eyes soften makes me want to pull her closer to me and just kiss her 'till we are out of breath.

I step a little closer to her, inhaling the familiar scent of her perfume. "Lyrie, I know I had a lot of mistakes. I admit na every single one of them is because I'm a bitch and I'm selfish. I am really, really sorry. I am not even deserving of any of this, yet, you are here-" I stop what I was about to say and cover my mouth shut.

I shyly look down. "Sorry. I was just-"

She cuts me off. "Tatiana, magiging honest ako sa'yo. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang plano mo, pero sana naman huwag mo na ako isali sa kalokohan mo." I gulp, seeing her serious gaze. "I don't know if I can burry the things that had happened kasi hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang tignan ka ulit na hindi maiisip ang sakit ng nangyare noon. I am doing this now because it's the right thing to do, huwag mo sana bigyan ng malisya. What you did back then had left me questioning my worth. Stop all of this, I don't want any of it. Pagod na ako. Let's just go to sleep, marami pa akong aasikasuhin bukas." And with that, she walk silently to her bed and layed there, her back now facing me.

I stood in silence as pain slowly engulfed my hopeful heart. I guess I deserve it. I can't honestly force her to look at me like how she did back then. My heart hurts when she uttered those things. I know I fucked up badly. I'm shattered because what she had just said means there's no way she could ever forgive me. The pain in her voice, it hurts to know that I caused it. I can't keep doing all of this knowing she's uncomfortable. I swear, by morning, she's not gonna deal with my shits anymore. I'll learn to accept how to admire her from afar, starting tonight.

"I'm sorry, hun," I whispered, as tears formed in my eyes.

I can't complain. I deserve this. Heck, I deserve more pain because of what I did to her. She's the only person I'm certain of, but I can't force her to let me in. It hurts, but I have no other choice.

* * *

I left Lyrie's house at six in the morning that day. I didn't wake her up, but I left a note saying thanks to her. I was even asked by tita and tito to stay and have coffee with them but I know that If I stay there any longer, my heart will just want to stay close to Lyrie forever. It's silly, but it's what I'm feeling.

I know na she's going to be relieved na I'm not there to annoy her anymore. I'm going to stay true to my words about how I am going to stay away from her. Knowing she's hurting because of my presence is like a stab in my gut. I don't want her to feel it, especially if I can do something to not let her suffer.