Monday, December 28, 2020
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Last one!!
Golden Trio decides that they aren't going back to H-e-LL-warts and are instead going to hunt down all the Soul Shards before No-Nose can. Also Baby Boi's mulling over the fact that when he dies, No-Nose will die and vice versa because the prophecy back in the fifth book states that one cannot live without the other. Oh and BOOK SMARTS erased her parents' memory of her existence so they can't be used for information and they end up going to Australia for some godforsaken reason.
Ronny's older brother Wizard Hacker marries Black Widow: French Reboot. The new head of government shows up and gives the Golden Trio items left to them by Old Wizard Mentor(tm). Ronny gets a Light Stealer, BOOK SMARTS gets a book of old wizard fairy tales, and Baby Boi gets the old snitch he swallowed the first time he played Flying Soccer. Awkward Hinny moment, then Neo Nazis show up at the reception and the Golden Trio yeets themself out of there. BOOK SMARTS has a hand bag she packed with magic, aka it can hold anything. So she has a magic tent, shit ton of books, suitcases full of clothes for all three of them, money, and food. Basically she has an apocalypse bunker in her handbag.
They camp out in the woods, deciding on where to look and how to keep from getting caught by the Wizard Police because the government's been taken over by the Neo Nazis now. So um I guess you could say the government can just be referred to as Neo Nazis as well?? And the reason they could be caught is because technically some of their magic is illegal due to their age.
Anyway they eventually end up at Dog's old childhood home (which he left to Baby Boi) in search of answers about Reggie. Rudeness, the slave for the house, turns out to have saved everything of Reggie's which includes the real locket, aka one of the Soul Shards. They wander around for a couple months, trying to destroy the locket. Problem is, it corrupts the wearer's mind so Ronny gets too corrupted and leaves, forcing Baby Boi and BOOK SMARTS to deal with the locket and live in the woods. After a shit ton of time, Ronny comes back and he and Baby Boi see a doe spell and go after it, so Baby Boi jumps into the frozen lake and gets the Griffin sword, then hands it to Rooney who destroys the locket and thus the Soul Shard.
But uh oh, No-Nose felt the part of his soul die (because apparently he can still feel his, mine went dead a long time ago) so now he's sending out Neo Nazis to collect up runway kids AND the Golden Trio. Eventually Golden Trio goes to Sweetie's home, where they find her dad instead. He tells them that the symbol in the books is the Deadly Items, wand of power, stone of necromancy, and the cloak of introvert dreams. Golden Trio is captured by the Neo Nazis there because Sweetie's dad had to turn them in otherwise they'd kill Sweetie, and Golden Trio is taken to the White Hairs mansion. Hot Mess is living up to his name and his parents are scared, rundown versions of themselves, and Crazy Bitch is completely insane.
And now, for one of the scariest parts of the book series, PERIOD. Trigger Warnings include: torture, torture of a minor, degrading names, racism, classism, some of the most chilling scenes you will ever know and they were seen through Baby Boi's perceptive so he didn't even see or hear all of it.
The boys are taken to the basement, locked up with Sweetie, A Goblin, and Wand Maker, while BOOK SMARTS is left with Crazy Bitch to be severely tortured and degraded just for existing. Oh and Crazy Bitch craves the word "mudblood" into BOOK SMARTS's arm. BUT NO THIS IS JUST A KIDS BOOK MY GODS
Meanwhile, Rat comes down to give the prisoners food, but Ronny and Baby Boi try to knock him out, only for him to kill himself with the hand No-Nose gave him. JUST A KIDS BOOK MY AS- the prisoners escape the basement and attack the White Hairs plus Crazy Bitch. Baby Boi goes at Hot Mess for his wand while Ronny tries to murder Crazy Bitch because they heard the screams of BOOK SMARTS and that traumatized him for life OH JUST A KIDS BOOK NOTHING TO SEE HERE- anyway Tennis Eyes shows up and saves all of them, but Crazy Bitch yeeted her knife as they left so when they appeared at Wizard Hacker and Black Widow: French Reboot's cottage, Tennis Eyes is dying and everyone's traumatized. Tennis Eyes dies in Baby Boi's arms, who then makes his grave and it's super sad.
Shit happens and they change forms to become Crazy Bitch, a Neo Nazi, and Baby Boi hides under the cloak of introvert dreams, then go into the bank. They steal the Badger Cup in Crazy Bitch's vault then free the old dragon inside the bank. They destroy the cup, and now all that's left is the crown, the snake, and Baby Boi's figured out by now that he's the last Soul Shard. So they head to H-e-LL-warts.
And holy hell on heelies, Jesus needs to take the fucking wheel because Neo Nazis are running the school now. Kids are being beaten up, kids are hiding in the secret room to stay safe, and worst of all QUEEN MCGONAL is getting spit on and that's the last straw, Baby Boi throws his hands and straight up tortures a Neo Nazi for disrespecting QUEEN MCGONAL. She takes the school back and they banish all Neo Nazis from the school, then call up all the Phoenix members (there's more now) because they are making their last stand at the castle. Baby Boi meets up with the Raven founder's daughter, Misery, who eventually tells him that Young No-Nose tricked her and that the crown is in the secret room. Golden Trio goes there and finds the crown, but Hot Mess, Crab Cakes, and Gargoyle follow and they fight (sorta) and there's a fire and Baby Boi saves Hot Mess but Crab Cakes and Gargoyle die. Anyway Ronny and BOOK SMARTS go grab some fangs from the basement while Baby Boi finds Underrated Character #1. He tells Underrated Character #1 that Snakey has to die for No-Nose to, and that if Baby Boi can't do it he needs to do it because someone has to.
No-Nose demands that Baby Boi sacrifice himself or he'll destroy H-e-LL-warts. Ronny and BOOK SMARTS destroy the crown. Baby Boi goes walking in the Canceled Forest and figures out that to open the snitch he has to basically kiss it, revealing the stone of necromancy. He talks with the ghosts of his past, and sacrifices himself, allowing No-Nose to kill him. He shows up in the beyond, talks with Old Wizard Mentor(tm), and comes back alive. Lying Queen lies and says he's dead, then Tall Boi is forced to carry Baby Boi's dead body to the end of the Canceled Forest, to be shown to the whole H-e-LL-warts population that No-Nose killed him.
No-Nose forces Underrated Character #1 forward, puts the beaten up hat on him, and sets it on fire on his head. But Underrated Character #1 pulls out the Griffin sword from the hat and kills Snakey, then Baby Boi rolls up and is like "bitch I live" and he and No-Nose fight, and he kills No-Nose while everyone battles the Neo Nazis. Good guys win, Neo Nazis lose, it's awesome.
End of Book Seven, Baby Boi and the Deadly Items, aka Baby Boi and I live Bitches
Holy shit I'm done! Seven books of abuse and torture and "oh my gods how is this a kids book??"!
Also I wrote half of this while having an extremely painful cramp, so I'm just gonna publish and go get some medicine.....
Stay safe kiddos, always murder Neo Nazis!
Love you all <3<3<3
~Ink
