Monday, November 23, 2020
~~~
My family wants to go up to a friend's cabin, from Friday to Sunday.
It has no internet, is pretty small, and it'd just be my family up there.
I really, really don't want to go.
Partly because I couldn't handle how many notifications I'd get once I'd get back, at least 200 if not more....
Partly because I've never missed a day for this before now...
Partly because I don't know if I could handle not talking to the family I've found on here....
Partly because I was planning on writing on those days...
Partly because my period is due any day now, and it's going to be brutal when it does show up....
And partly because I need time in my own space to get things done.
I need to have updates, of course, but I also need to finish some projects.
I need to empty the words from my head.
I need to pour out my soul onto a page and be able to breathe without feeling the words pounding against my skin, begging to be released next but wailing as I'm forced to say no, to lock them back inside, because I don't have the time, I can't afford to, I'm working on borrowed time already, I can only jot down a prompt and a few words, two paragraphs, the barest hint of an idea that will bloom into a full fledged story if I can only sit down and allow the words to come out
Not that I can say any of that though.
"I have homework" isn't going to work, my mom would just say pack more pads, and they don't get what writing is to me.
Mostly because I don't let them know.
I was burned once, I can't handle getting burned again.
Some days I wonder what I'd be if I were a fictional character.
All I can come up with is something not human.
Something that bleeds ink, not blood.
Skin of worn book paper.
Round glasses.
Satchel full of writing tools and books.
Soft, warm.
I don't know, I just wonder sometimes.
Stay safe kiddos, enjoy your blanket(s)!
Love you all <3<3<3
~Ink
