Tuesday, December 29, 2020
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So I know I'm going to do the Count of Monte Cristo summary, but that's going to be written over time and then posted the night it's finished so um it could take a couple days.
Anyways
My mom wants me to be confirmed.
For those who don't know, my family is part of the Roman Catholic Church, Christian version. Idk the difference, and I went to a Catholic school for most of my life. I don't care anyway. Point is, in this specific strain of Christianity at least, being confirmed means the person is "freely committing themself to the Church". Even though the people in my church who usually do it are still minors and have to live with their families for a few more years so really they're not doing it completely "freely" all the time.
Now, my mom was raised in a nice, community Church with a typical family: mom, dad, two kids. She's confirmed.
My dad was raised in an old, traditionalist Church with a divorced mom, raising two kids, who the church disrespected. He's not confirmed.
I'm being raised in a conflicting viewed Church with a typical family: mom, dad, two kids. I need to decide soon if I will be confirmed next year or not.
Nothing super traumatic happened to me with the church, just my homophobic religion teacher, transphobic Deacon guy (who's now a priest), and all the sex scandals being revealed in the Church as a global community during my life time.
But I honestly don't know if I believe in God at all.
My dad has told me multiple times that he supports me no matter my decision he'll support me. I haven't exactly talked to my mom about it because to be frank, I'm not interested in it at all but my mom believes in it a lot.
I want to tell her, but I also don't want to hurt her feelings or discourage my sister from getting confirmed if she wants to be. Plus, my mom's parents are big Christians and I don't want to lose favor in their eyes. My aunt from my mom's side probably won't care, my dad's family in state won't care at all, and I don't care what my other grandparents think so yeah.
I know I'll tell my mom no. I won't force myself to lie just for three people in my life. I'm just, well, anxious about telling her. And I'm not rejecting the Church out right yet, but I'm pretty sure that I'm on my way to being an atheist. Or something without a label that's kinda polytheism but not worshiping the gods, just acknowledging that they exist.
Anyway yeah.
Also I wrote a 1000 word Sanders Sides fic on ao3, my user is in my bio if you wanna check it out!
Yes I wrote it this morning then published it on the site without editing (I read through it after publishing, there's no huge mistakes so yay) but whatever. It's a oneshot, I released it into the world and walked away like ya do. I don't care if it grows or if it dies, it exists and I yeeted it out of my drafts, clearing up space for more prompts.
That's basically what this week is for me: cleaning shop, both in the real world and in the virtual.
(I've already had two people ask me to write more of it and I'm very confused because I thought it was a nice one and done but they like it?? And now I kinda want to write more?? But I can't because I already have so much to do??? Oh shit I'm going to spend summer adding to it shit shit shit why the heck can't I let it go????)
Stay safe kiddos, and let your oneshots go, they must live or fail without your constant vigilance.
Love you all <3<3<3
~Ink
