Mga Kuwento ni Lola Basya

Kuwento ni Lola Basya #67 -Screaming Deceiving Loud Silence

I remember your bare feet down the hallway,
I remember your little laugh,
Race cars on the kitchen floor, plastic dinosaurs
I love you to the moon and back.

I always wanted to hear that soothing voice whenever I wanted to be with him, especially that night when my insomnia would attack me.

I remember your blue eyes looking into mine,
Like we had our own secret club,
I remember you dancing before bedtime.
Then jumping on me, waking me up.

It is just 9;00 o clock in the evening, but here I am, still wide awake, drowning again with the different thoughts playing in my mind.

"Sleep now, my Philos," his sleepy voice became my addiction.

"No, I wanted to be with you, Eros." This guy beside me is the only person who understands me, and whenever my insomnia is attacked, he will sing me a song.

"Philos, you need to regain yourself." No, everything is fine with me as much as Eros is with me. I can fight that dilemma that is continuously choking me.

"You know I can't sleep; I am afraid, Eros. I trusted you, and you know how desperate I am to end my life, but not until the night I met you in the coffee shop." Tears keep rolling in my eyes, and my eyeglass gets blurry.

I can still feel you hold my hand, little man
And even the moment I knew
You fought it hard like an army guy
Remember, I leaned in and whispered to you.

"The first night you accepted my scars, the same night you became my bulletproof, and the night we shared our first kiss." Eros smiled at my childish act but reminiscing always calms my anxiety.

Come on, baby, with me, and we're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years.

"Philos, this is not the world you wanted to be in. I know you are strong; you can do this, my love." I can't; without him, maybe I am in the graveyard right now.

I remember the drive home.
When the blind hope turned to crying and screaming, "Why?"
Flowers pile up in the worst way; no one knows what to say
About a beautiful boy who died.

"Please! I am begging you! just don't... please don't leave me!" Seeing my life without him is gloomy. No, I can't let go of him that easily. I need to be with him no matter what.

And it's about to be Halloween.
You could be anything you wanted if you were still here
I remember the last day when I kissed your face
And whispered in your ear.

My sight landed on the alarm clock, which was already midnight. Like how fast the time passed, the thinner the chance Eros and I would meet again. The raindrops started to drop, and the scent of the rain was getting mixed in with the cold eerie. Even the surroundings seem to preach that this is just a mere recipe for the impossible.

Come on baby with me, we're gonna fly away from here
Out of this curtained room in this hospital grey, we'll disappear
Come on, baby, with me, and we're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years.

I wanted to be with him; I needed to stay by his side; I just wanted genuine happiness, but why do they keep saying the Eros is not for me? When in fact, he is the most understanding man I can talk with all the cruelty this world infected on me. This man on my side knows how to cheer me whenever the monsters drag me. He is the only reason why I am still fighting for my life.

What if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you?
What if I kept the hand-me-downs you won't grow into?
And what if I thought some miracle would see us through?
What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?

"Philos, just this once, please hear me out! I love you, and you need to listen to me." I hold his hand so tight, and my tears blur my vision.

"I love you so much, but please wake up already! This is not the reality, please..." His voice turned mute, and my mind started to crawl.

"No!" agony, pain, and all the negativities I had been digesting since then naturally came out.

"Philos, daughter." It was my mom's voice; as I looked at her appearance, I thought she didn't get enough sleep.

"Daughter," her voice that almost a whisper. I miss how she nagged me every time she caught me still reading my favorite book.

"Eros, where is his, mom?" But instead of answering me, she hugged me.

"Daughter, Eros is a fictional character from the book you are reading."

"He is just an illustration that you gave life since you and Peter broke up."

Come on baby with me, we're gonna fly away from here
Come on baby, with me; we're gonna fly away from here
You were my best four years

I remember your bare feet down the hallway
I love you to the moon and back.