Changed Since Texas / Post Malone

4.3

Charlie's POV

I didn't think it possible to have this many tears in your body to cry for as long and as hard as I did, but no matter how hard I tried to stop, Austin's note kept playing over and over in my head. I don't know how long I was sitting on the floor before Rich came and found me, but from what I remember him telling me it was for quite some time. I don't know what I would've done without him being there though, he was the closest thing I had to Austin aside from Austy and although Austin was the only one I wanted, Rich was a huge comfort for me.

I don't remember much of our ride home, besides a tremendous sea of silence and several apologies from Rich about what his son had done. I kept trying to reassure him that it was okay and that it wasn't his fault, but I guess my tears were making that slightly unbelievable.

"Charlie honey, I know that this is not what you want to hear right now, but regardless how this turns out everything is going to be okay. Whether he decides he wants to be the son that I raised and be with you, or whether he decides that he just wants to stay friends and have Austy as part of his life you are going to get through this" he said to me.

He was right, those were words that I really did not want to hear right now, but I couldn't deny that even though my ears were trying to block them out he was right. Every single thing he said was right. I had made it almost four years without him in Austy's life and I had raised him just fine. But, now that he knew that Austy existed, there was this part of me that felt like I didn't want to go through my whole lifetime without having Austin by my side to help raise our son.

I nodded my head at him, leaning in as I gave him a hug before I silently opened the door and started walking slowly towards the house, my arms crossed tight across my chest until I reached the front door. With shaking hands I slowly twisted the doorknob, Austy bounding towards my legs as he wrapped them in a tight embrace.

"Hi Momma" he said happily, his large blue eyes staring up at me as I bent down in front of him to give him a hug. As soon as his little arms had wrapped tightly around my neck I couldn't help but cry as he was the last connection I had to Austin and seeing him every time would always bring back that emptiness in my heart that this was all that I had left to remember him by.

"Hi buddy" I said through strong tears, his arms squeezing me tighter when he realized that I was crying.

"Momma you okay?" he asked quietly as he pulled himself away from me and scratched his head looking at me. I smiled at him weakly as I reached out and held his tiny hand in my own. I loved my son more than words could ever even began to explain, but I just couldn't give him what he needed right now. I couldn't be around him and pretend that it was all okay.

"Yeah buddy, Momma is okay" I lied to him before pulling him back into a hug one more time, this time trying to fight back the tears so make my fib believable. "Listen buddy, why don't you play with your Grandparents tonight okay? Momma is kind of tired and I think I'm just going to go lay down" I smiled at him.

"I lay down too" he said with a smile, grabbing my hand as he started to walk towards the stairs.This was nothing out of the ordinary, he and I often napped together and I'm sure in his mind that is what I was insinuating that I was doing.

"Thank you buddy, but I think your Grandparents would love to spend some more time with you before we leave tomorrow. I'll see you later okay?" I said, placing a kiss on his forehead as I closed my eyes tight, tears starting to escape the wall of my lashes as they slowly slid down my cheeks.

Without another word I got up and walked by him, taking the stairs two at a time until I reached the top. I quickly walked down the hall pushing the door open to Austin's room, the tears falling from my eyes harder as I instantly fell to my knees sobbing into my hands. I knew it wasn't going to be long before someone heard me but I didn't even care, this was my heartache and I was going to deal with it however I saw fit.