Changed Since Texas / Post Malone

0.9

It's been two months since I came home from Texas, and it's been the hardest two months of my life. I spend most of my days just sitting in my room watching reruns of sappy love movies on Hallmark, not really hanging out with my friends or family.

Nothing has changed about my feelings for Austin, I still love him so much and I thought everything would kind of fade away, especially since we haven't been talking every day like we used too, which to be honest I expected but just hated facing reality. But, my love for him hung heavily in my heart as it has for the past three years, and the fact that I cry myself to sleep every night made it evident that those feelings were going to hang around for a while.

I decided on not going to the University of Dallas, without Austin there it really didn't seem like I had a reason to be there. Syracuse offered the major I wanted and all of my friends were staying around here so I decided it was in my best interest to stay here as well. Plus, I could save some money living at home.

I didn't tell Austin I backed out, we haven't talked in a week so I didn't have the opportunity to tell him. I told Casey who was sad but incredibly supportive of my decision and promised she wouldn't tell Austin. I couldn't bring myself to tell Rich or Jodie either, they were so excited that I was finally going to be close.

"Charlie?" my Mom said quietly as she knocked on my bedroom door before slowly pushing it open.

"Yeah?" I asked her curling myself under my blankets and muting the TV as she walked over towards my bed gently placing herself on the edge.

"Charlie honey, what happened in Texas with Austin?" she asked me as she ran her fingers over my hair, pushing some of it behind my ear.

I slanted my eyes up to meet hers to see sadness flooding them. She was hurting for me and she has been since the night I came home and she walked in on me crying in my bedroom. I realized I couldn't put us both through this heart break any longer as I opened up to her.

"Everything Mom, the most amazing and most heartbreaking weekend of my life" I cried as I sat up and wrapped my arms around her as I finally opened up about the pain I was harboring in my heart for months.

She held me tightly as she let me cry into her chest, rubbing my back and rocking me back and forth as if she were comforting me as she always would when I was upset as a little girl.

"You can tell me Charlotte. It might help" she said as my tears stained her shirt.

"I have so much to tell you but I've been afraid" I said sitting back and wiping my eyes.

"Charlotte, you don't have to be afraid to tell me. Your Dad, maybe because I think I know what your going to tell me, but you can tell me" she half laughed.

"I finally told Austin I liked him Mom and we decided that we wanted to try something so we did and it was amazing every single part of it" I said starting to cry again.

"Charlie honey, a girl only gets upset like this if she gave everything to someone she loves" my Mom said to me raising her eyebrows.

I looked up at her and started to cry harder as I nodded my head.

"I did Mom, more than once. I told him that I love him and that I've loved him for years and it wasn't because we had sex Mom, I really do love him" I said wiping my tears that saturated my red cheeks.

"And what did he say?" she asked me.

"Nothing, he said nothing. Was it all a mistake? I feel like such a fucking idiot. Giving myself to him, finally spilling my heart to him only for him to reciprocate nothing" I cried from a mixture of anger and utter sadness.