Behind The Scenes

66. Hero

A few days have passed since her departure and I already miss her. I miss her so much. We talk often during the day, but that's not enough. As if it can ever be enough.
Jo is like a drug; every time I take the tiniest bit of her, I need more and more. She consumes my thoughts and invades my dreams.
Now that she is away, I realize how important she is to me. You realize that you are lucky to live with the other half of your soul when they're only far away from you, they said, and it's really true.
I don't think I can make it until New Year's Eve. It's too much. Too long without seeing her, smelling her soft blonde hair, touching her smooth and perfect skin, losing myself in her blue and slightly gray eyes. I immediately noticed how special her eyes were. Every time I look at them, I feel as if I were diving from above into an ocean of crystal clear and pure water. They are beautiful. And she knows it. I love that she feels good about herself. She is a very strong and confident girl — or maybe should I say women? —most of the time and she knows what she wants from her life. Someday I'll find myself praying to God to let me go to heaven with her. I deserve hell, I have always belonged to it, but I never want to be separated from her. I want to live with her until our souls leave our bodies, even when we are ghosts, I want to hold her hand, and never leave her.

It's nine in the morning when my phone rings. It's my mother.
"Mom," I answer absently.
"Oh, honey. Everything is alright?" I hear concern in her voice.
No. "Yes, I'm fine."
She sighs. "You miss her, don't you?"
Do you see that she is my mother? She knows me so well. "Yes." I say no more, I think I might burst into tears.
"Love, I know it's difficult, but you will make it." Her voice is so reassuring that it makes me smile. "I know for a fact that she misses you a lot too, you know it."
"Yes, but not as I miss her," my voice breaks on the last words.
She misses me, that's obvious, but I miss her more. She is with her family, in their company, she has someone who makes her forget about me in a way. I am here alone, constantly thinking about her, what she is doing, what she thinks when she is alone in her room.
"Don't talk nonsense. It's just that she is now at her house, there's her sister with her, her family. She'll be enjoying herself not to get depressed about you the way you do. Go out and have fun, son."
It seems easy to say, to be done a little less. "I don't have any friends here, who am I supposed to go out with?" I snort.
"How is it possible? You're fantastic, it's impossible that you haven't met anyone in all these months," she says incredulously.
"In reality there was someone. The neighbor has a son, but it turned out he's a huge asshole. He and his girlfriend screwed up."
"Yes? What's her name?" she is interested in the discussion.
"He's Liam, she's Jessica. Do you remember Jessica Watson?"
"Of course yes!" she exclaims. "Isn't she the girl you were with in high school?"
"Were with" is exaggerated, we were not exclusive, we also saw other people in the meantime.
"Yes, it's her," I say anyway. My mother doesn't know certain things about me, and I don't want her to know.
"What did they do?"
I'll tell her the story briefly, leaving out too important or spicy details, because that's not the case. My dear mom is not the kind of mom to talk to about sex, overt physical sensations and stuff like that, that's my dad. Shit, I can bring up any topic with him. I genuinely miss it.
"Oh... What kind of people do such a thing?" she comments.
"Are you asking me?" I giggle.
With this discussion, I miss Jo less, but only a little less.
"Anyway, she loves you. She looked at you as if you were her whole world. Trust your mom, darling."
"Really?" I feel I have somehow blushed, I feel a flash of heat all over my face.
"Of course. This is the truth: she is madly in love with my son. But I don't blame her, when you want you can be sweet and romantic."
I love my mother. I love her.
I chuckle. "Ah, thank you Mom, really," I say wryly.
"You know I love you— Anyway... I called you to tell you something, but I don't remember," she laughs.
"You're crazy, mom!" I make fun of her.
I also speak a little with Mercy and my brother, who has been back home a few days ago. After at least another half hour of chatting, I drop the call.
I want to call Jo. It's 5pm of the next day in Perth so it's perfect. I call her on FaceTime.
"Hey!" she exclaims as she replies. She has the phone leaning somewhere. I hold it in my hand while I'm lying on my side.
"Hi baby."
She looks at me from the other side of the screen, and frowns. "Have you woken up now?"
"No. I talked to my mom a few minutes ago. What were you doing?"
I hear a loud piano sound. "I was doing this," and she plays the C scale as far as I understand.
"Can you play the piano?" I didn't know it, she never told me.
"I peg it, do you want to hear something?" she asks, and her eyes sparkle.
"Let's hear it," I am very curious to hear her play.
She starts touching the piano keys. I can't see her hands properly, but I understand from the sound the instrument makes that she is playing with a beautiful delicacy.
I have no idea what song it is, and then she starts humming. Perfect by Ed Sheeran... I love this song, God, I want it at my wedding someday.
Her voice is magnificent, I never expected it. It looks like an angel's one, it hypnotizes me and reassures me.
"Wow..." I whisper. I am speechless.
She giggles as she sings. She's gorgeous.
Who expected Josephine Langford to be the most talented woman in the world? Really. She knows how to act, she knows how to play, she knows how to sing, she knows how to listen, reassure, love...
"Then? What do you think?" she says smiling as she finishes with the last few notes.
"Wonderful. I didn't expect that," I honestly say, still surprised.
She laughs. Then she becomes serious: "I miss you so much, you know?"
"I know, you too, to fucking die for."
She looks around worried. "Shh!"
"What happens?" it makes me laugh.
"Don't swear, my parents are at home and we're on a video call, if you forgot," she scolds me.
"Okay, excuse me, Miss Langford."
"When are you going to London then?" she asks.
I haven't thought about it yet, it hasn't even crossed my mind.
"I have yet to decide, but maybe two or three days before Christmas," I lie, because I have no idea when I'm going there, a lie like that won't hurt either of us.
"Ah okay."
Kathrine is heard calling her from afar.
"And your sister?" I ask, as if I don't know.
She snorts. "Yes, she's screaming from upstairs. I don't know what you want."
Kath continues to scream.
"Oh God. I'm coming!" Jo tells her, screaming in her turn to be heard. "Do you mind if we talk later?"
Yes. "No, see you later." I curl my lips and send her a kiss, then she cuts off the call.
I wish I could have talked to her more. I hate the time zone between LA and Perth, it's so many hours.
I got sleepy again. Last night I slept little, I was thirsty all the time so I think I'll go back to sleep. Anyway, I feel calmer now that I've seen her. Her smile has already made my day better.