Behind The Scenes

81. Jo

On the day of my return, when I went upstairs to my room, I unpacked the luggage and placed my clothes in the closet. I was calm while I was doing it, I had also put on some music and I moved to its rhythm humming the songs. The playlist was a mix: Rolling Stones, Beatles, Michael Jackson, a bit of Shawn Mendes, Ed Sheeran, Lana Del Rey and a few One Direction songs that Anna had recommended to me on the way home.
I was taking the last few clothes out of the suitcase as You & I by the 1D played in the room. I was humming it, I had already learned it by heart. Then I found a crumpled up black T-shirt, it was the last thing left. I unfolded and observed it... it wasn't mine, it was Hero's. I had no idea how it got there.
I brought it to my face and smelled it. It smelled of him, Ferragamo Fragrance and cigarette. I hate when he smokes, but at that moment I loved it. I always associate that smell with him. When I paid attention to the lyrics of the song, wich said:
"'Cause you and I
We don't wanna be like them
We can make it 'til the end
Nothing can come between you and I
Not even the gods above
Can separate the two of us
No, nothing can come between you and I
You and I",
I burst into tears.
I was already missing him to death. And having him so close and far away at the same time was worse than having him far away in the true sense of the word.
I threw myself back, with that shirt tight to my chest, and I fell asleep.
After I don't know how long, Anna knocked and, not hearing me, she entered. She found me sprawled on the bed, the shirt on my belly. She burst out laughing telling me that they were starting to have dinner.
I replied with a moan and my eyes still closed.
She walked over and I opened them. "Oh God... Do you know that if you keep thinking him you will never get him out of your head?" She took me by the wrists and pulled me to my feet.
"I know," I said, shaking my head. "But I can't." I showed her the shirt.
She didn't understand and so I explained it was Hero's. "This stuff smells like him, it's impossible not to miss him!" I exclaimed emphatically and smelled it again.
She snorted. "So you give it to me so we can stop it?" She looked like my mother.
I shook my head.
"Then move that ass and come and have something to eat."
I put the shirt under the pillow and we went downstairs. Jordan and Asher were already seated at the table.
"I got her!" Anna exclaimed, raising a victorious arm and we laughed.
"Hero?" Ash asked, unaware of everything.
"They aren't together at the moment, honey," Anna explained him briefly.
He looked at me, I tried to smile and pretend everything was okay... but it wasn't.
"And when are you getting back together?"
I faked a laugh, I stopped immediately. "I do not know. I don't even know if we'll get back... together, I mean." It was the truth. I did not know. And I don't even know now.
I have never used my cell phone that much, but since that day it had become an obsession. I was hoping for a message from him every second. I checked it at all times.
I had decided to take a shower. I felt awful after the long journey.
I took the shower, the bathroom was full of steam, like a sauna. When my skin touched the hot water, I felt a sensation of relief. I felt better already.
I did something I never thought I'd do, but it was desperation that made me do it. I took the shower head and pointed it at myself. I made it go down more and more towards the pubis, I gasped. I put it between my legs and almost fell to the ground. So I knelt on the ground and placed it right under me. I didn't think water could give so much pleasure. When I moved slowly on the jet, biting my lip, to find the right spot, I imagined Hero under me.
God, how was I supposed to get it out of my mind if I was thinking like that?
My thighs were shaking. I bit my hand hard, and I also left my mark as I came.
I got out of the shower, dried my hair, put on my pajamas, and went to bed. I felt in heaven after that orgasm, the tension was all gone.
I wasn't sleepy and decided to call him.