Behind The Scenes

82. Hero

I was sleeping that night when my phone started vibrating. I blew up. My heart was rushing out of my chest when I saw Jo's name and a picture of us flashing on the screen. I've always loved that photo.
I answered the phone with my voice hoarse from sleep and my heart racing. "Hey, baby," I said without thinking. I apologized right away though.
"It's okay. What are you doing?" she asked me bored.
I told her she had just woken me up and scared the shit out of me and she laughed. Her laugh was everything to me. I felt relieved by that cheerful melody that came out of her mouth. I was happy that she was cheerful and not sad, it was all I wanted.
"Ash says he misses you," she said suddenly.
"Aw, I miss him too," I smiled.
I knew I missed that little chubby boy, but somehow I also knew I missed her. I missed her a lot. We hadn't seen each other for a few hours, but I missed her in that sense. It had been a long time that I hadn't even touched her skin, not even by mistake, too long. I almost forgot how smooth and soft she was.
No, she is bullshit. I could never forget it, it was all I was constantly thinking about.
"If you want to come and see him, it wouldn't be a problem for me," she told me.
A broad smile had appeared on my face. "Okay, I'll be through these days then."
"I've..." she began. But not finished.
"You have...?"
"Nothing."
I snorted. "Nothing? You were about to say something."
"Nothing important, really."
We did everything to remain neutral, we looked like Switzerland in that strange period. It was weird, yeah... at least for me. There was a lot of embarrassment, it had never happened, not even in the early days, we didn't know how to behave or what to say.
"Well, I think I'll read a little. I'm not sleepy," she informed me.
I weren't either, so I suggested... "Would you read aloud? I'd like to listen." It would have been wonderful.
She said yes. She went for a second to get the book, she opened it where she was left. "This chapter is from Hardin's pov," she let me know.
She started reading:

"I'm going to change," Tessa tells me and disappears into the closet, tissue still in hand.
Her eyes are red from her breakdown during the movie. I knew it would upset her, though I have to admit that I was looking forward to her reaction. Not because I want her to be upset, but because I love how emotionally invested
she becomes in things. She opens herself so fully to these fictional forces, whether in a movie or a novel, that she allows them to completely pull her in. It's captivating to watch.

I remembered that I too, once, had thought such a thing when we were watching Pride & Prejudice. I fucking realized we were more Hessa than I thought.

She emerges from the closet in only shorts and her white lace bra.
Holy shit. I don't even try to be subtle with my staring.

Hardin, I understood you perfectly well.

"Do you think you could wear... you know, my shirt?" I ask her. I'm not sure how she'll feel about that, but I miss seeing her wearing my shirts to bed.

I missed that so much too.

"I would  love to." She smiles and pulls my used shirt off the top of the closet hamper.
"Good," I state, trying not to seem too excited. But I watch the way her breasts spill out of the top of the lace as she lifts her arms.
Stop staring. Slow, she wants to go slow. I can go slow... slowly... in and out of her. Jesus, what's the fuck is wrong with me?

We both burst out laughing. Then she remarked, "But do you males always think about that?"
"Well... no. But very often yes,"and we giggled.

Just when I consider looking away, she reaches under the shirt and pulls her bra through one sleeve... Christ.
"Something wrong?" she asks and climbs onto the bed.
"No." I gulp and watch in awe as she pulls her hair out of the ponytail it was in. As it falls onto her shoulders in beautiful blonde waves, she shakes her head slowly. She has got to be doing this on purpose.

She yawned at the end of that sentence. I was dying of sleep.
"You look like Tessa, admit it," I said, yawning too.
"What are you saying!"
"Mhm mhm." I took a break. We remained silent. "God, I'd think the same things about you as Hardin thinks about Tessa."
She laughed softly. "I'm not even remotely like her. And you're not like Hardin."
"Describe yourself in three words," I told her.
"Mhm..." I could see her tapping her fingers on her chin. "Determined, overthinker, strong."
She was really strong.
The day after that last night, I took her to the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test. I waited for her outside. She turned pale, I thought she might pass out at any moment.
We went home and when she closed her bedroom door behind her she burst into tears in my arms.
We sat on her bed and I comforted her, telling her that she would be okay. She went to the bathroom, her knees were shaking with fear, I could see it. After a few minutes she came out and she put that thing in my hands. The result hadn't appeared yet, she didn't want to see it, so I did.
Not pregnant.
I smiled, showed it to her, and hugged her. I was about to kiss her, but I stopped before I could.
"Now describe Tessa," I said later.
"I think I would describe her with the same words. But three are too few! We are not the same, Hero."
Yes instead, I wanted to tell her, I am your Hardin and you are my Tessa.