Behind The Scenes

7. Hero

I woke up for about an hour, it's half past two, tonight I hardly slept... I saw her in my dreams, with those beautiful blonde hair and her gray-blue eyes looking at me in love. Then I woke up and everything suddenly ended... there is no worse feeling.
I haven't called her for five days and in the meantime I went to London, I haven't said anything yet.

«Hero! Lunch is ready, it's very late, please come down to eat darling...» my mom calls me from downstairs. She too is dejected to see me always with dark circles and eyes swollen and red from crying, always in pajamas. My friends — the ones that don't have anything to do with this story — have looked for me several times to see us, but I couldn't do it morally.
«Yes mom, I'm coming».
I go downstairs and find Mercy on the sofa watching TV and Mom sitting at the table with her head in her hands, desperate.
«Mercy, what's up with Mom?» I ask my sister worried.
«She is worried about you, she says she would like you to talk more with her about this story, she would like to help you...»
«There is nothing to talk about» I reply in a somewhat brusque tone.
I walk into the kitchen and say good morning to my mother who greets me without looking up at me. I sit down and start eating, even though I'm not that hungry.
«Enough, sorry mom, I'm not very hungry» I manage to say, pushing the plate away from me a little.
«Okay» she replies in a broken voice.
«What's wrong with you?» I ask her.
«I'm worried about you! It's been five days since you hardly left your room, at night I hear you sobbing, you hardly eat any more, your eyes are swollen and red from all the tears you are shedding... can you tell me what is happening to you please?» she bursts into tears, it breaks my heart even more to see her like that.
«Mom, the problem is it's all my fault. I think I have lost the love of my life forever...» I say, almost on the verge of tears and with a broken voice. «I'm not exaggerating with words, I told you about her, you know how much I love her and how important she is to me...»
She looks at me with her face wet with tears. «I'm sorry».
After I open up with her all she has to say is this?
«Fuck you mom. This is all shit! Do you have only this to tell me?!» I blur out, perhaps exaggerating a bit.
She blinks in amazement and more tears fall down her cheeks. «Honey...» she puts her hands on mine, which are closed into fists, «I know what you're going through. When your dad and I broke up, I felt like the world collapsed on me. Yes, we decided the end of our marriage together but it wasn't easy for both of us... but after some time we got over it».
«I understand, but my story is quite different. I love her, I love her more than anything else, without her I think, I don't know, I would fall into depression, mom. You saw me in these five days how bad I was and I think the more time passes the more I will miss her and the more I will feel bad, just at the thought that she has moved on and that she is no longer with me... you understand me right?» I tell her in tears.
What I just said is so true that it scares me. The whole world, whatever I see or do, is a terrible memoranda that she was mine, and that I have lost her. When I take a shower, when I'm in bed, when I ask my mother to bring me breakfast in bed... I see her, and no one else. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, the problem is that I'm not joking when I say it.
We are so different that we are complementary, and when we are complementary, if the other person leaves, you feel as if a piece of you has fallen apart...
«Hero tell me something, why are you here?» My mom interrupts me from those thoughts that were destroying me.
«I... I don't know, that is, to come and see you.»
«No! You're here to escape the problem, you haven't even left your room in five days and would you have come to visit us? Stop talking nonsense and go get her back. You're a man now, you should be strong enough to deal with such a thing».
Fuck, she's right.
«Yes, but I should leave now» I say without looking up from the table.
«Just do it!»
«Okay, you convinced me. I'm going up to get the tickets!» I scream running up the stairs.