Pawns & Players - Sirius Black

-32-

Don't be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself trying to please everyone around you - Unknown

Three hours left until the guests would enter the ballroom.

She tore her eyes away from the clock, trying to find yet another thing to distract her. The dark gown embracing her was draping her waist tightly and fell down sharply yet with a light flow, revealing her left thigh. Standing silently, her back pressed against a column, her eyes watching the woman order the house-elves around for the last details, ignoring other things was getting more and more difficult every passing second. The divine scent leading its way from the kitchens provoking an irresistible desire was filling her up until it became all she could think about. She didn't have the option to go on a run again to occupy herself, nor did she have the energy.

If she had to do one thing that day, it was to look lovely. The only notion those people would approve about her. Her breakfast was taken away, not that she would've touched it anyways. It was a promise she had made to herself and as long as it was followed through, she was in control. Her mother didn't need to tell her to eat less or take her lunch away from her if she did so herself. It brought her the approval she so secretly yet desperately sought.

That devilish scent greedily replaced every other heed and perception on her mind, the lust slowly ripping away her self-restraint. She felt exhausted, consumed, weak, and eating was the only solution and cause that came to her mind. There the idyllic looking girl stood before a freshly baked pie, stridently cleaving the fork, taking an ungenerous amount before the utopic taste spread around her mouth. The satisfaction it brought outweighed everything around here for a small amount of time but she had to feel it again, as she brought another fork to her parted lips, after another. Every crust that diffused on top of her tongue brought with it a euphoria followed by guilt, shame, and an inescapable cycle. Overwhelmed and out of control, she tasted her insecurities and swallowed her problems, digesting her emotions and ignoring her surroundings, she lifted her head to an empty dish.

Slowly regaining control over herself, an overbearing shame and guilt had reappeared. She felt disgusted, angry, insatiable, but had to recollect herself. Burying every undealt sense, she lifted her sharp chin up and walked out straightly to the back.

"Where's the pie ? Guests are coming in less than two hours. Maybe if any of you cared to follow the schedule, mother wouldn't be going mad right now" Her voice wasn't solely composed of anger, yet it was sufficient for the panicking house elves to release a screeching contest making the mere fact of staying in the kitchen unbearable.

An hour left until the room would be filled with people she didn't want anything to do with.

-

"What's wrong with Regulus ?" Her back was pressed against the boy's chest while whispering to him quietly.

The two were standing on the balcony, observing the large room in front of them with crystal whiskey glasses held between their fingers, judging the rest.

"He's been like this the whole summer" His gaze was fixed on his brother who looked awfully disturbed. "Lucius and a few other of those guys were with us for most nights at dinner. Then they would stay with him in the boardroom. Remember that weird cultish thing they had talked to us about, I think he's getting dragged into that"

"I'm telling you, it's not a little innocent club, and they are not done with us. They can't drag him into all that. We have to do something" She turned her head around, looking at the boy expectantly.

"He's not a child it's up to him" Yet his eyes were locked on the mentioned boy, denying his words.

"That's bullshit and you know it" She exclaimed with an impatient calm in her voice.

"Then I'm leaving you to decide my brother's future, I think there's a girl over there who isn't my cousin"

"Idiot"