Pawns & Players - Sirius Black

-39-

We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be  - May Sarton

Full moons were rarely as easy as this. For the last few times with the other three joining them, Remus's transformations were much easier and less painful with the distractions the four were procuring around the Werewolf.

James and Sirius were running around, chasing each other while jumping occasionally to bite or bring down the Owl, floating high the entire night to not get her snow-white feathers caught in blood, and with five animals, suspicious sounds and noises coming from the Shack were more than ordinary. Except this time, it wasn't. As the four others continued on in the back, she slowly flew to the entrance where he appeared.

Slytherin robes, weary eyes and flat hair, nearly looking it hadn't been washed in over a week.

Snivellus was standing before four illegal Animagis and a Werewolf. And he knew exactly who they were.

A cold smirk appeared on his thin lips, like he had just proved something, before everything got ruined.

-

"I don't know how he found out, I checked the map before entering last. No one was following" Peter explained quickly, sitting around Remus's bed next to the three others.

"Lily told me Snivelly had "weird conspiracy theories". You know the guys he hangs out with, any kind of Dark Magic might've done it" The girl suggested, but didn't sound quite sure of her theory.

"Don't beat yourself up about it Moons. I got him out of there and Dumbledore made him swear he wouldn't tell anyone, and I bet it wasn't a simple promise. Besides, would it really be that bad if he died on the spot ?" James added, proud of himself, not seeming to get the gravity of the situation.

Sirius was unusually silent, sitting on the farthest side from the scarred boy's bed. Twitching one of his legs anxiously while looking away discreetly, she connected the dots, before he parted his lips.

"It was me"

The second the words left his mouth, all heads turned around to him, expecting him to continue.

"He had pointed a wand to my neck, saying things about how Moony was a Werewolf and how I was a coward without you all and I-" Breathing heavily while leaving his sentence there, he was met by a pair of furious eyes, while the boy in question had only turned his head to the wall, unresponsively and hurt.

"He was right then. About all of it. You are a coward and a traitor and I-" She was cut off while all eyes turned towards the boy, still not looking at them.

"Don't" Remus's low voice was distressed as if he wished it all ended. 

"What ?"

"I want to be alone"

"But we can-" He cut Peter off once again assertively.

"Alone"

The girl left first, silently, followed by the other three.

"I thought he was going to pull an all Moony. Like with the yelling and all" 

James was laughing with Sirius, and Peter seemed still frustrated with the situation yet was accompanying his friends with the jokes.

"Come on Laur, it was just a prank and nothing went wrong. The git deserved it anyway" Sirius retorted back in response to her disturbing glares.

The rage she felt was uncontrollable as she stormed back into the Hospital Wing, after leaving in a minute earlier, next to the boy and interrupted furiously him before he could even open his mouth.

"Why ?"

"They are my friends, and even if I'm mad at him it won't change anything. You know them, and I'm just constantly around them. I'm the one who needs them, the burden, the monster. I'm useless"

"Trust me, they wouldn't stand a day without you, and I'm close to ripping their heads off right now but even now I can say how much they care about you. Their brother "

"I could've become what I feared the most tonight. I could've killed him" His eyes finally faced her, he wasn't crying but in her memory, he had never looked worse.

"And he would've been a murderer" She completed him, but her wrathful eyes were plotting in the back.

"No, I would've been the monster I always was. It wasn't his fault. I could kill anyone. Maybe not today but what will happen when we graduate ?"

"We're going to be with you. Every month. No matter what happens"

"It could have been anyone. What would you have done if it was Lily or Marlene for example ? What if I had done something to them ?"

They both sat in silence. This was a far worse anger than any of his screams or mood swings. This was a different kind of anger, the one that slowly burned you inside.

"Don't do anything, I will take care of it myself" 

"Okay"

He didn't take care of it himself. And she certainly did do something.