Pawns & Players - Sirius Black

-67-

I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost. - A.A. Milne

She checked the stick once again, sitting on the bathroom floor.

Irregular periods weren't uncommon for her, hell she had her first period so late her mother had to bring her to the hospital for it. 

The doctor's worried looks when he talked about malnutrition,  and her mother's proud grin. She loved how pleased and happy she looked. And how she would do anything to keep that smile there.

Her being pregnant wasn't really probable, since that guy that looked like her dad was hopefully way past the age of being able to get anyone pregnant, and the french girl she had met in the bar's bathroom in Paris was- who knows ?

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi had for once helped her out. Quite well at that.

Which left Sirius and Evan as daddy options, and even though the baby's not-going-to-happen fate was already decided, her devilish plans were already made to prank both of them if it turned out to be positive.

This was her fun now that her friend group was completely shattered for absolutely no visible reason. It was as if someone was working against all of them.

She breathed heavily once again before deciding to look down one more time, no matter how many jokes she could make out of it, a baby, inside of her, was scary.

Negative

A sigh of relief quickly left her lips as she quickly burned the stick and pulled up her skirt. Looking down at the gold watch Sirius had gifted her. It was 10 PM, meaning the boys' dorm was empty, and she could distribute the stuff she had bought to both Remus and Lily. They hadn't noticed anything so it didn't mean anything for Lily and her but a small fight wouldn't make her drop her monthly job.

Walking down the corridor she had passed to come to a bathroom no one really used do she wouldn't be disturbed while taking the test, was a little Ravenclaw boy covered in blood and bruises. Hogwarts alumni loved to publicize it as "the safest place on earth" but the raw reality was much different. And anyone who had walked down the halls or attended a single class knew it. Between Quidditch, bullies, obliviating spells, and more, there were serious deaths each year getting concealed scarily easily.

She knocked on the door first to make sure no one was there, and entered silently with the pile of chocolate and clothes in her arms. Spotting the folded laundry on Remus's bed, she found the place to sneak a few things in before turning around to someone leaning over the door.

"LILY- WHY ARE YOU HERE ?" She nearly fell backwards, trying to act natural while hiding her stuff.

"Laundry fairy, you seem to be a bit late this week" Lily smiled, her calm tone trying to distract the awkwardness between them.

So she did know.

"Uh- would you like to hang out ? Like, when you're free ?"

"I have a lot on my plate right now. With homework, James, N.E.W.Ts, my dad is taking us on a vacation. It's going to be so much fun. Going to the beach. With my family"

"Oh okay. Good for you. I- uh have to do some things here"

"Great. I have to go now"

"Yeah okay. You're busy, of course"

And she left with an odd walk, leaving her standing numbly in the room, watching her go down the stairs, wondering where it had gone wrong, or what was happening with her. But at that very moment, keeping calm and questioning that didn't seem possible. 

So she quickly went down the stairs, nails digging her palms. The Common Room was clearly overcrowded. Everyone was laughing or chatting loudly, if they weren't producing their future Gryffindors in the middle of the room. But in all senses, they seemed happy, and they remembered her of the time when she was just like them.

She missed Lily, she missed Sirius, she missed her old friend group and her old days.

Feeling her breaths and eyes get heavy, wiping away small tears she hadn't realized were there, she walked quickly towards the other side of the room, leaning over Lucy's ear.

"I would heavily suggest you leave because you don't ever deserve what these people do" 

"Oh hi- what ?"

"I'll see you later" She smiled, pushing her towards the door. "Bye now"

And while she walked out, trying to look her way to watch what she was going to do, she walked a few stairs up, turning towards the crowd.

"Hey everyone-" No one looked her way, and the noises overcame her voice. 

"HEY FUCKERS"

Now she had their attentions.

"IF YOU ARE CONFUSING THIS PLACE WITH A FETISH CLUB, YOU'RE WRONG. SO IF YOU DO WANT TO LICK EACH OTHERS' BRAINS OFF, GO TO YOUR DAMN ROOMS OR I WILL MAKE SURE YOU CAN'T EVER FEEL ANYTHING. ANYWHERE"

They all looked at her weirdly, taking a break from whatever they were doing. 

She could feel her hands shaking and eyes trying to hold back tears, but screaming at those random people felt so good. 

"DO YOU NOT HEAR ME ? DO YOU REALLY WANT ME AS YOUR ENEMY ? LEAVE"

And with a a few younger years leaving the room like a natural disaster was happening, the older years had their gossip faces straight on, planning what they were going to make out of this story.

So she sat on the couch, alone, and imagined not being so.