For Love~ [Taekook Texts]

64. Together

|3:15 a.m.|

You know what is worse than just crying? Trying to sob quietly so no one else can hear you. 

That feeling of loneliness that builds up inside you when you can't help but to release the pain you hold in the form of tears and you really, really want someone to just come and hold you, and give you all the love you deserve, but no one can.

And in Taehyung's case, that someone couldn't. 

More than four hours had passed since that unbelievable incident with Jungkook's parents had taken place. Taehyung had done everything he could to make his body and mind fall asleep for the night, to leave behind these dark memories and move on to dreamland, where you're numb to everything that is really happening to you. It's almost like running away. And Taehyung really wanted to run. But he couldn't, his stupid brain wouldn't let him, his watering eyes wouldn't want to shut close and invite slumber. So he tossed and turned, dampening the pillow on every side he faced. 

He realized that this was the longest he had cried in his entire life. He had never before cried for four hours straight, and he couldn't point out just one main reason behind his misery. The earlier incident was definitely held responsible for some part of his sorrow, but not entirely. Maybe it was because he wasn't sure of what the near future held instore for him. Or maybe because he didn't have Jungkook to comfort him. Or maybe because he wasn't there to comfort Jungkook.

So many emotions flowed through him: Fear, Anxiety, Anger, Restlessness, Loneliness, Hatred, Love. The most prominent one of them all: Love. 

As much as he wanted Jungkook's strong arms to tightly embrace him, he also really wanted to litter numerous kisses on Jungkook's face and see him scrunch his nose and smile like he always did when Taehyung did that.  

He thought about the day they had had before Mr. and Mrs. Jeon had arrived. It was such a beautiful day. How perfect everything had felt right before he almost fell asleep in Jungkook's arms. It was almost amusing how quickly circumstances can change. How sudden life can be. And though, Taehyung felt like his world just collapsed before his eyes, he knew he would get through it. 

They would get through this. 

But, even then, this sense of reassurance wasn't enough to stop the waterfall of tears flowing down his face. He wondered if he would have any tears left by dawn.

In the room across Taehyung's, Jungkook laid still, staring at his bare ceiling. On any other day, the ceiling would've looked so gorgeous, like a purple galaxy, shedding Taehyung and Jungkook's favourite hue on their faces as they peacefully slept. But today, Jungkook didn't think it would be appropriate to have his room look pretty while Taehyung slept in an unfamiliar room all by himself.

Or maybe looking at the galaxy without Taehyung would only make him miss his boyfriend more, make the sense of emptiness within him grow stronger. 

He had been crying all night too, but the sorrow he felt didn't show on his face. From afar, no one would even think the boy was sad. It would only be visible once one would go closer, and actually see the steady stream of tears flow down his face. His expression was cold and unreadable, but he still cried.

He wasn't really bothered by the incident that took place. It had happened so many times already, it was almost like second nature at this point. He had already wasted so many years crying and doubting himself as a person and his sexuality, he decided not to care about what his parents said anymore. Because obviously them saying he loved women doesn't change the fact that he is attracted to men. But he wasn't so confident about that fact a few years ago.