The Advice Column IV

740

Advice Request
This person is terrified after being harassed by her drunk relative.

Answered Submission
Hey,

Your situation is very wrong towards you and I am genuinely sorry that you had to go through a terrible experience like that. You must be feeling so unsafe right now and that’s not a good thing. So very obviously I think you should tell your parents about it.

It could be weird and awkward to talk about something like that in some households but I genuinely advise you to call them into one room and tell them about your aunt forcing you to drink and your uncle continuously touching you. Him being drunk does not excuse his behavior, tell that to your parents as well in case they say ‘he was just drunk and might have made a mistake’. No one has the right to touch you, drunk or not, and force you to drink. Tell your parents outright that you don’t want to have anymore contact with them. People that make you feel unsafe should not come in contact with you. Cry it out to your parents about how terrible you’ve been feeling since that day. They could argue that it won’t happen again but since it has already happened, since it has already made you feel this bad, there should be no more excuses. Your parents should stand by your side and comfort you and make you feel safe.

Yes, your uncle may be a nice person who perhaps made a drunken mistake but that mistake has terrified you. Your feelings are valid; if you feel terrified, then that shows that he has made you feel bad. We all have good and bad sides. So even if he’s nice, the actions of his harassment cannot be excused. Moreover, I think it’s just very ridiculous that any responsible adult would let a minor drink alcohol. Your aunt is also to blame in this case.

In case you come into contact with either your aunt or your uncle, maintain your distance from them and stand in the other side of the room and be surrounded by many people. Never be in a room alone with your uncle again. Along with your uncle and aunt, you should also be aware that the other adults who did not stop your aunt from forcing you to drink are also at fault. It is a very irresponsible action and should not happen twice.

I strongly advise you to please tell your parents. It would take a lot of courage to be open about this situation but it might also prevent this from happening again in future. Please think carefully about it and tell your parents that you do not want to drink alcohol or be touched without your permission even if it’s within family. Familial harassment is harder to speak up about, so you’ll have to be braver and stronger than many. Right now, your parents are the only ones that can make you feel safe. Confide in them. Even if their reactions are bad and unexpected; at the very least, they’ll be aware of your uncle’s wrong actions and make you stay away from him.

I genuinely hope that you start to feel better soon. Please stay safe and be surrounded by people that make you feel safe. Stay away from alcohol until your reach of legal age. Your emotions towards a bad incident are valid; don’t let anyone say you’re exaggerating. You deserve to feel safe. Please take care of yourself.

Thank you,
The Advice Column Team