The Advice Column IV

758

Advice Request
This person is not being treated well by others.

Answered Submission
Hey!

I am sorry you're still stuck in this situation; it is very wrong of Bob to say such bad things to you and she is absolutely wrong in every word she says. Even if you can't ignore her, don't believe her words and listen to her degrade you.

If she ever says anything to demean you, whether you're at school or home, please just get up and leave the room immediately. Don't bother saying anything back because it will only make her want to say such things more and get more of a 'reaction' from you. I also think you should talk to your parents and cry it out to them that she has hurt you in such a manner and that it's ok if your parents are good friends with her family but you, individually, do not feel comfortable around her and don't want to be around her anymore. If it's necessary, try to shed some tears and make them believe how truly uncomfortable you are by her and how she has said bad words. Even if they don't believe you and choose to trust her, at least this will give you an excuse with your parents to not go and meet her at her house or in your house. If they want you to reconcile, tell them that there is nothing to reconcile about and you don't wish to have any further contact with a person so toxic. I would've suggested she apologized but honestly, the words she has said are way too harsh, even an apology would not be enough.

I still suggest you try finding another classmate or schoolmate. They don't necessarily have to be from your class—they can be a junior or senior too. As long as they're a nice person that knows their boundaries and matches your interests and respects you as a person, please try to approach them. If you find such a person but you're hesitant to approach or don't know how to approach, I think you should try complimenting them first. Go casual like "Hi, I was just thinking that your hair look really pretty" or compliment their dress or smile. Try searching up some other conversation starters if you're unsure about complimenting them. Greet them everyday with a smile or a wave. And if you have to spell it out, you can just say "Ah, I really like your shoes, where did you get them from? They're my type of shoes, I think we have similar interests, we should talk about them sometimes." It doesn't have to be shoes, you can talk about anything. Just the last part is important "We should talk sometimes, do you have Instagram?"

Main point is: I think you should smile and greet other schoolmates and try to approach them. Approach teachers as well. Social contact, whether it's friendship or otherwise, is important with all sorts of people. You can buy a chocolate bar or lollipop or other small sweet or mint candies and hand them over randomly as well. It might sound overwhelming or weird but in reality, you're just making someone smile. So fill your school bag with a few sweets you can give to random people. I think this can be a conversation starter too: "Hi, I think your hair looks really nice so I just came up to say that. Do you like chocolates? Would you like some?"

I think you can try a similar approach with your crush. Give him chocolates and candies and greet him with a smile, and compliment him. It might be embarrassing and hard to do this with your crush but you have to move on from your current stationary position and give him some hints. If he's nice and approachable, I think it would be nice to be friends first and then confess when you're ready. But you have to gather the courage to approach other people. Also, if you don't like him making fun of you, you can say that to him when gifting him the chocolate so that it doesn't look like you're too annoyed with him. You can't decide for them whether you're annoying or immature. You have to approach them first and let them decide for themselves. So, take the first step and approach people with smiles and greetings.

I hope everything works out in your favor. Please take care of yourself and cherish yourself. Don't listen to wrong things said by jealous toxic people who only want to diss other so that they can feel superior. Bob has nothing superior to you, that's why she feels the need to say it out loud and try to make you feel bad about yourself.

Thank you,
The Advice Column Team